***This post was originally written 3 years ago, but I couldn't bring myself to publish it because I kept hoping to find the solutions to my puberty dilemmas with Garrett that I wanted. My next post will explain more of that and catch you up on Garrett's and my journey through puberty.****
As an autism mom, I'm grateful to have gotten to know some other amazing moms out there that are experiencing autism and the trials, triumphs and unique experiences that come with it. Right now, I am especially grateful for the moms who can help me as I'm figuring out the puberty part of autism. I just wanted to share some experiences that other mothers and myself are dealing with as we navigate puberty. I feel like there is not a lot out there for us moms to realize what it will be like and how to handle it. So, hopefully this will help not only me, but other moms who are experiencing puberty in a child with autism.
Mom A: Puberty and Increased Aggression
So, I'm navigating puberty land for the first time with a child with autism. Currently, I'm going through a big struggle dealing with the onset of puberty with my oldest who has severe autism. I just love him to pieces. He has my heart. However; with puberty, came aggression and harm to himself and to others. I watch him and see his mood go from elated and extremely hyper to agitated and aggressive, to crying uncontrollably. It's the perfect picture of an emotional roller coaster, and I'm at a loss.
I'm also at a loss as to how to handle my beautiful, joyful boy looking at me with empty eyes and coming up and hitting me repeatedly on my arms, back and the top of my head. He gets that same look in his eye and races down to his sister's bedroom and starts hitting her or their little brother, both of whom also have severe autism. I am able to stop him before he can do real damage...at least physically...but both kids now cower when they see him coming. My daughter gets her nervous breathing when he is around. My youngest son no longer tries to be everywhere his big brother is.
My son has struggled in school. He has hit his teacher, classroom aids and other students.
Another stressor is that I don't feel like taking him in public because he is unpredictable and extremely compulsive. For example, one day, we were driving across a bridge over a reservoir, and he tried to climb out and "go swimming" while the car was in traffic.
He has managed to "explore" our neighborhood so many times that the local police know him by name.
Something I hate so much is that he has regressed in potty training. He has stopped pooping in the potty, and will smear his poop. He did that when he was younger, but had stopped doing it, at least until now.
I see him doing things, ask him to stop, and he gets this look in his eye, looks directly at me and then intentionally does more. I guess that could be seen as typical behavior for a teenager, right, rebelling against your parents.
We recently moved, and I couldn't find a doctor to manage his meds. Since relocating here, he has had a major growth spurt, and his meds were way off. We were finally able to get him in to a developmental pediatrician after being on their wait list for five months. We worked to adjust his meds, hoping they would help stabilize our little boy, but nothing seemed to help.
So, I'm navigating puberty land for the first time with a child with autism. Currently, I'm going through a big struggle dealing with the onset of puberty with my oldest who has severe autism. I just love him to pieces. He has my heart. However; with puberty, came aggression and harm to himself and to others. I watch him and see his mood go from elated and extremely hyper to agitated and aggressive, to crying uncontrollably. It's the perfect picture of an emotional roller coaster, and I'm at a loss.
I'm also at a loss as to how to handle my beautiful, joyful boy looking at me with empty eyes and coming up and hitting me repeatedly on my arms, back and the top of my head. He gets that same look in his eye and races down to his sister's bedroom and starts hitting her or their little brother, both of whom also have severe autism. I am able to stop him before he can do real damage...at least physically...but both kids now cower when they see him coming. My daughter gets her nervous breathing when he is around. My youngest son no longer tries to be everywhere his big brother is.
My son has struggled in school. He has hit his teacher, classroom aids and other students.
Another stressor is that I don't feel like taking him in public because he is unpredictable and extremely compulsive. For example, one day, we were driving across a bridge over a reservoir, and he tried to climb out and "go swimming" while the car was in traffic.
He has managed to "explore" our neighborhood so many times that the local police know him by name.
Something I hate so much is that he has regressed in potty training. He has stopped pooping in the potty, and will smear his poop. He did that when he was younger, but had stopped doing it, at least until now.
I see him doing things, ask him to stop, and he gets this look in his eye, looks directly at me and then intentionally does more. I guess that could be seen as typical behavior for a teenager, right, rebelling against your parents.
We recently moved, and I couldn't find a doctor to manage his meds. Since relocating here, he has had a major growth spurt, and his meds were way off. We were finally able to get him in to a developmental pediatrician after being on their wait list for five months. We worked to adjust his meds, hoping they would help stabilize our little boy, but nothing seemed to help.
Finally, after a year of aggressive behavior, we were able to admit him to a hospital that will deal with kids with autism on an inpatient basis. They were able to adjust his medication and in an environment that was safe for both him and his siblings. After 2 weeks he was released back home, and I felt like I had my little boy back. However, 4 months later he is starting to show that same aggressive behavior again. Another autism mom told me it is a constant struggle to find the right medication combination for your child, and I am definitely seeing this is the case.
Mom B: Dealing with Masturbation/Pornography from a Religious Viewpoint When Your Child Has Autism
Mom B: Dealing with Masturbation/Pornography from a Religious Viewpoint When Your Child Has Autism
Where do I begin? I have three children. One almost 16, one 14 and my last is 8 years old. My oldest 2 are boys. My oldest who is almost 16 is our child with Autism. With him we have had a lot of learning experiences and trial and error experiences. Puberty was one of the hardest that we have been through. And we keep learning and growing from it.
Puberty started at about 12 years old. For our boy this wasn’t a fun experience. All of a sudden he is growing pubic hair and was so frustrated, concerned and had ants in his pants all the time. He always talked about how itchy it was. I can’t even imagine what he went through. So there was lots of picking, itching and we tried to occupy him with other things to get him to stop. We would try one thing, it would work for a month, but then have to find something else and maybe that would work a bit longer.
The itching got worse, if that is what you want to call it. Now there was feeling that was enjoyable that went along with any touching in that area. So he learned to masturbate. I was mortified, hurt, and upset. I took it personal. I am so grateful that he didn’t do it in public. He would go to his room and do it there in private. Our religion frowns upon masturbation. So we did the, taking him to the bishop to have him talk to our son. Keep in mind that his level of comprehension is high. He understands, he knows, we just have to teach him a little more or longer with things others get easier. We did everything to keep him busy. He was in scouts working towards getting his eagle. He now has his eagle. He got it right before his 16th birthday. And that boy worked hard to get it. It wasn’t an easy thing for him. We as a family do a lot together. We go on bike rides, run 5ks together, hike, and go to the beach or pool together. We are outdoors people. We love the sun and warm weather. All these things kept him busy. He then started running Track and Cross Country his first year in high school. That helps so much. Exercising all that testosterone out does wonders. Taking short lukewarm showers helps also. We also put the boys in the same room. Having his brother in the same room gave him little time to be by himself. We also had to scoot the bed against the wall so there wasn’t space behind the bed. We kept him talking to his bishop so that he felt extra help from others, but others that wouldn’t share his situation with the world. All these things helped, but it didn’t take the urge away. We found that the longer we could keep him away from it, the easier it was for him to not do it.
Pretty girls and movies and pictures helped to irritate his urges. So we kept him from dances. He loves to give hugs. We had to teach him that he was to ask the person if he could hug them, and it needed to be a short hug.
Now I had to work on me. I needed to not take it personal. That was very hard to do. I am a very personal person, if there is such thing. I did lots of praying, reading and learning more about me. These things have helped me. I still have to catch myself but I am much better than I was when he started. When I take it personal, he can feel the anger and he gets defensive and its downhill from there. But if I handle it correctly, he feels like he can come to me, he can get the hugs he needs from me, we can pray together and I will go to the bishops office with him and help him to the end. Much more relaxing.
It hasn’t gone away, but we have fighting tools that get us through this as a family. My son knows that we love him and want the best for him.
Oh, we just got a Disney Circle recently and love it. They don’t make devices to keep you away from pornography. I learned from my son that you can go on the Maps App on an Ipod and search the word sex and get many different photos that no one should be looking at. Disney Circle helps to monitor time and what you will allow your whole family to do and see. You can set it up to have all family member names on their own profile. Then you attach devices to that person. Then you decide the level from Pre-K to none. Then you can go in and add or take away from the list. You can set time limits online or at different sites. The list goes on. I can also PAUSE the internet on their device. Love it.
I hope that someone could get something out of what I am telling you today. I have to remain anonymous, my son is still young. But if there is someone who would like to know more about what we’ve been through, I would love to help. I wish I could have learned from someone else. There is so much that we have learned from trial and error, and not by choice. My love and prayers are with those who are struggling with this. I understand in my own way. Love, Personal
Mom C: Autism and Menstruation
Mariah entered early stages of puberty in 2008 at age 8. She began to get monthly mood swings and
cravings. By age 9 she filled a B cup bra. By age 10 we knew the inevitable aunt flo was on the horizon. Being 10 with a period is hard; having the mentality of a 4 year old makes it suck worse. During this time we had a wonderful one-on-one Aid at school, she agreed it would be best to try some sort of medication when the menstrual cycle decided to hit. Age 10 and 4 months my sweet Pea biologically became a woman. First month there were so many tears for everyone involved. Near impossible to explain to a severely mentally disabled child just why the hell she was bleeding from her crotch. 2nd month around we got a gyno appointment and she was placed on birth control so at least there wouldn't be surprises. By month 4 she had such a horrible rash from pads I just couldn't put off another appointment. We went with the depo shot despite all side effects. Here it is 2017 and she will be 17 in just a few short weeks. Still on the depo and being blessed with the side effect of no periods.
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