As an autism mom, I'm grateful for the rare times where I have actually been good and kept a journal. It helps me to look back and see where we all were and where we are now.
So, this is one of those posts that I would NEVER have posted when I actually was experiencing the below emotions, but I am in a better place, and I wanted to address it because I know I'm not the only one out there who has felt guilt or responsibility for the disabilities that our children have.
I was looking through my old journal today, and it was talking about a conversation I had with my therapist. (Yes, therapy is awesome):
"I told her I was in a good place as far as my children. She asked me how I got to that place, and I told her that I think I just went through a grieving process. Earlier this year, I couldn't get out of my head that I was like Dr. Frankenstein, and I couldn't create anything normal. I always felt really guilty when I would think these thoughts because I absolutely love these kids, adn I don't think of them as monster-like or anything. I think I was just projecting their disabilities and struggles onto myself and giving myself the blame for their struggles because I was the one who "created" them. However, God changed my frame of mind and really helped me to focus on what is beautiful about my children and the happiness and wonder that they give me. He helped me to be able to celebrate every little accomplishment and to celebrate them as my offspring."
Just have to add one last phrase that you hear a lot in the special needs community: "My child doesn't have a disability, he has a different ability." Being positive and focusing on the successes and the beauties really has helped me to overcome my guilt and "Dr. Frankenstein Mindset."
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