Today in Sacrament meeting (church), the talks were about enduring to the end. Sometimes, I feel like I'm enduring to the end...the end of the day when I can climb in my covers and go to sleep and just get a break from it all. But then there are the moments that make up for being overwhelmed, etc. The times when my babies help me see a little bit of the love Heavenly Father has for me through their beautiful spirits and the unconditional love they send my way...even when I'm ornery or in my own world.
Coincidentally, in Sunday School we learned about our roles as parents, and I was reminded of when Garrett was born and I was no longer just responsible for myself, but I had this beautiful child who was dependent on me for everything. This was when I realized that I had a purpose in life. This is when I realized that my life had meaning and that there was more to life than just progressing on my own. My children are my textbook, and they help me to learn who I am and what I can become.
The Relief Society Lesson today was on Patience. It's funny because I've had so many people tell me how patient I am, and the fact is that I just have to be. I had to learn to be that way. It was an evolution. If I wanted to survive, then I needed to adapt. And patience is the very definition of my life in so many ways. I have to be patient and realize that my children learn things in a different way than I do or other children. I have to be patient when they don't understand what I want from them or when they repeat the same mistake over and over. I have to be patient and realize that potty training really doesn't happen in a day at my house, it happens in years...and I have to be patient that it really will happen some day. I have to be patient when we start on different therapies, etc., and I want to see the results right away. The truth is that they come, but they come in their own time and with hard work. When they do come, the satisfaction is so much greater because it was so much harder to get there. But the biggest thing I have to be patient in is getting to know my children and who they really are underneath the shell that is called autism. I have to be patient and know that, if I live right, then one day I will be able to know my children in their perfect state, and that is what helps me through and gives me the patience to just keep going and enjoy the blessings that God bestowed on me in my amazing children.
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