Being Your Mom - For my Garrett

 As an autism mom, I'm grateful I was given the ability to work through my pain in writing.

Being Your Mom

Being your mom, my job has always been to protect you.
To clothe you, to feed you, to never neglect you.
To guide and comfort you while you figured this world out,
My love expanding constantly as I've learned what you're about.

Being your mom, my job has been a detective.
Finding the clues as to what is effective. Figuring out what makes you you,
and constantly finding new ways to get through.

Being your mom, my job is your advocate.
You'd be amazed how strong you can get
In meetings upon meetings I've fought to make your life better.
Hoping they would see that we are all in this together.

Being your mom, this job has brought me such joy,
Knowing God trusted me with such a beautiful boy.
Knowing god trusted me with this child so unique.
Who couldn't quite converse but still managed to speak.

And yes, being your mom has also brought pain,
As I'm realizing that my role won't always be the same.
Realizing that my love isn't always enough,
I've had to let others step in when things were rough.

And I was left helpless, failure showing in my face.
As they had to take over to help keep you safe.
It's not the same talking to you on the phone,
Knowing you probably feel confused and alone.
And now I'm at home, and you are away,
And I feel the only thing I can do is pray.

Having to Choose a Residential Setting

This has been such a hard year for all of us.  This year has been hard for our family for a different reason.   I had to place my Garrett in a residential setting.  I've been fighting for years to figure out how to maneuver autism and puberty.  I've been trying to figure out how to manage aggressive outbursts and self injury; how to keep him safe at home, when all he wanted to do was find a way out and go skinny dip in whoever's pool he happened to discover..   My "gentle giant" was hit hard by puberty and changing emotions.   Because of this, he developed behaviors that were considered dangerous to himself and others, and therefore; for his own safety as well as everyone else's, it was determined that residential placement would be the best thing for him.   My poor guy.  He is doing so much better there, thankfully.  He has structure and a 1:1 aid who he feels super comfortable around.  This ridiculous pandemic has resulted in only video visits so far, but we are hoping to be able to see him and get our special Garrett hugs in the next couple weeks. 

Puberty and Autism: As told by Mothers of Children on the Autism Spectrum

***This post was originally written 3 years ago, but I couldn't bring myself to publish it because I kept hoping to find the solutions to my puberty dilemmas with Garrett that I wanted.  My next post will explain more of that and catch you up on Garrett's and my journey through puberty.****

As an autism mom, I'm grateful to have gotten to know some other amazing moms out there that are experiencing autism and the trials, triumphs and unique experiences that come with it.  Right now, I am especially grateful for the moms who can help me as I'm figuring out the puberty part of autism.  I just wanted to share some experiences that other mothers and myself are dealing with as we navigate puberty.  I feel like there is not a lot out there for us moms to realize what it will be like and how to handle it.  So, hopefully this will help not only me, but other moms who are experiencing puberty in a child with autism.

Mom A:  Puberty and Increased Aggression
So, I'm navigating puberty land for the first time with a child with autism.  Currently, I'm going through a big struggle dealing with the onset of puberty with my oldest who has severe autism.  I just love him to pieces.  He has my heart.   However; with puberty, came aggression and harm to himself and to others.  I watch him and see his mood go from elated and extremely hyper to agitated and aggressive, to crying uncontrollably.  It's the perfect picture of an emotional roller coaster, and I'm at a loss.
I'm also at a loss as to how to handle my beautiful, joyful boy looking at me with empty eyes and coming up and hitting me repeatedly on my arms, back and the top of my head.  He gets that same look in his eye and races down to his sister's bedroom and starts hitting her or their little brother, both of whom also have severe autism.  I am able to stop him before he can do real damage...at least physically...but both kids now cower when they see him coming.  My daughter gets her nervous breathing when he is around.  My youngest son no longer tries to be everywhere his big brother is.
My son has struggled in school.  He has hit his teacher, classroom aids and other students.
Another stressor is that I don't feel like taking him in public because he is unpredictable and extremely compulsive.  For example, one day, we were driving across a bridge over a reservoir, and he tried to climb out and "go swimming" while the car was in traffic.
He has managed to "explore" our neighborhood so many times that the local police know him by name.
Something I hate so much is that he has regressed in potty training.  He has stopped pooping in the potty, and will smear his poop.  He did that when he was younger, but had stopped doing it, at least until now.
I see him doing things, ask him to stop, and he gets this look in his eye, looks directly at me and then intentionally does more.  I guess that could be seen as typical behavior for a teenager, right, rebelling against your parents.
We recently moved, and I couldn't find a doctor to manage his meds.  Since relocating here, he has had a major growth spurt, and his meds were way off.  We were finally able to get him in to a developmental pediatrician after being on their wait list for five months.  We worked to adjust his meds, hoping they would help stabilize our little boy, but nothing seemed to help.

Finally, after a year of aggressive behavior, we were able to admit him to a hospital that will deal with kids with autism on an inpatient basis.   They were able to adjust his medication and in an  environment that was safe for both him and his siblings. After 2 weeks he was released back home, and I felt like I had my little boy back.  However, 4 months later he is starting to show that same aggressive behavior again.  Another autism mom told me it is a constant struggle to find the right medication combination for your child, and I am definitely seeing this is the case.

Mom B:  Dealing with Masturbation/Pornography from a Religious Viewpoint When Your Child Has Autism

Where do I begin?  I have three children.  One almost 16, one 14 and my last is 8 years old.  My oldest 2 are boys.  My oldest who is almost 16 is our child with Autism.  With him we have had a lot of learning experiences and trial and error experiences.  Puberty was one of the hardest that we have been through.  And we keep learning and growing from it. 

Puberty started at about 12 years old.  For our boy this wasn’t a fun experience.  All of a sudden he is growing pubic hair and was so frustrated, concerned and had ants in his pants all the time.  He always talked about how itchy it was.  I can’t even imagine what he went through.  So there was lots of picking, itching and we tried to occupy him with other things to get him to stop.  We would try one thing, it would work for a month, but then have to find something else and maybe that would work a bit longer. 

The itching got worse, if that is what you want to call it.  Now there was feeling that was enjoyable that went along with any touching in that area.  So he learned to masturbate.  I was mortified, hurt, and upset.  I took it personal.  I am so grateful that he didn’t do it in public.  He would go to his room and do it there in private.  Our religion frowns upon masturbation.  So we did the, taking him to the bishop to have him talk to our son.  Keep in mind that his level of comprehension is high.  He understands, he knows, we just have to teach him a little more or longer with things others get easier.  We did everything to keep him busy.  He was in scouts working towards getting his eagle.  He now has his eagle.  He got it right before his 16^th birthday.  And that boy worked hard to get it.  It wasn’t an easy thing for him.  We as a family do a lot together.  We go on bike rides, run 5ks together, hike, and go to the beach or pool together.  We are outdoors people.  We love the sun and warm weather.  All these things kept him busy.  He then started running Track and Cross Country his first year in high school.  That helps so much.  Exercising all that testosterone out does wonders.  Taking short lukewarm showers helps also.  We also put the boys in the same room.  Having his brother in the same room gave him little time to be by himself.  We also had to scoot the bed against the wall so there wasn’t space behind the bed.  We kept him talking to his bishop so that he felt extra help from others, but others that wouldn’t share his situation with the world.  All these things helped, but it didn’t take the urge away.  We found that the longer we could keep him away from it, the easier it was for him to not do it. 

Pretty girls and movies and pictures helped to irritate his urges.  So we kept him from dances.  He loves to give hugs.  We had to teach him that he was to ask the person if he could hug them, and it needed to be a short hug. 

Now I had to work on me.  I needed to not take it personal.  That was very hard to do.  I am a very personal person, if there is such thing.  I did lots of praying, reading and learning more about me.  These things have helped me.  I still have to catch myself but I am much better than I was when he started.  When I take it personal, he can feel the anger and he gets defensive and its downhill from there.  But if I handle it correctly, he feels like he can come to me, he can get the hugs he needs from me, we can pray together and I will go to the bishops office with him and help him to the end.  Much more relaxing.

 It hasn’t gone away, but we have fighting tools that get us through this as a family.  My son knows that we love him and want the best for him. 

Oh, we just got a Disney Circle recently and love it.  They don’t make devices to keep you away from pornography.  I learned from my son that you can go on the Maps App on an Ipod and search the word sex and get many different photos that no one should be looking at.  Disney Circle helps to monitor time and what you will allow your whole family to do and see.  You can set it up to have all family member names on their own profile.  Then you attach devices to that person.  Then you decide the level from Pre-K to none.  Then you can go in and add or take away from the list.  You can set time limits online or at different sites.  The list goes on.  I can also PAUSE the internet on their device.  Love it. 

I hope that someone could get something out of what I am telling you today.  I have to remain anonymous, my son is still young.  But if there is someone who would like to know more about what we’ve been through, I would love to help.  I wish I could have learned from someone else.   There is so much that we have learned from trial and error, and not by choice.  My love and prayers are with those who are struggling with this.  I understand in my own way.  Love, Personal

Mom C: Autism and Menstruation

Mariah entered early stages of puberty in 2008 at age 8. She began to get monthly mood swings and 

cravings. By age 9 she filled a B cup bra. By age 10 we knew the inevitable aunt flo was on the horizon. Being 10 with a period is hard; having the mentality of a 4 year old makes it suck worse. During this time we had a wonderful one-on-one Aid at school, she agreed it would be best to try some sort of medication when the menstrual cycle decided to hit. Age 10 and 4 months my sweet Pea biologically became a woman. First month there were so many tears for everyone involved. Near impossible to explain to a severely mentally disabled child just why the hell she was bleeding from her crotch. 2nd month around we got a gyno appointment and she was placed on birth control so at least there wouldn't be surprises. By month 4 she had such a horrible rash from pads I just couldn't put off another appointment. We went with the depo shot despite all side effects. Here it is 2017 and she will be 17 in just a few short weeks. Still on the depo and being blessed with the side effect of no periods.

Adult Bibs

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for one of our respite providers who introduced me to the wonderful world of adult Bibs.   Makes sense they exist, just never entered my mind that this was something I could utilize.

I call one of my children's style of eating 'Cookie Monster.'  He will start a meal clean as a whistle and end his meal covered from head to toe in whatever was for dinner.  There is always a disasterous mess under his chair.
Another child thinks shirts are napkins, and the third child think plates are dumb and dumps his food right on the table.  Hmmm...wonder why our caregiver thought bibs would be a good idea?

We ordered these  bibs from Amazon. 
Besides the normal pluses associated with bibs, if you place the bottom of the bib on the table, underneath your plate, you also have a placemat.  This is so helpful in preventing spills on the table, floor or their laps.

So grateful for the messes on the floor, the table and my kids that are prevented when we use these bibs.

Solution for Kids Who Can't Tie Their Shoes

If you look at my previous post, you can see that I have struggled with the dilemma of tie-shoes for a long time.  At first, it was for Garrett, which is who i wrote my original post about.  But, since then, my youngest Jason has decided that all shoelaces belong to him. He loves to make beautiful designs in the air with any laces, ribbons, beads...basically whatever he can get his hands on.  So if we wanted to use tie shoes, we had to hide them from Jason.
Luckily, the kids' school sent me a note one day letting me know they were going to try elastic laces for Jason.  I had no clue what they meant.  So I googled them, and ended up buying enough for everyone.  (Just do a search for elastic laces on Amazon).

Basically these are 6 individual elastic strips that you thread through corresponding holes.  They worked okay...until they didn't.  They are pretty hard to get through the holes, and can come out of the holes after some wear.

After further research, I found the laces that worked perfectly.  I felt like there should be a background of angelic singing when I saw how easy they were to install, how nicely they worked with the shoes, and how difficult they were for a ribbon-twirling cutie to remove from the shoe.

These are also considered elastic laces, but they lace regularly through the shoe, and then there is a slide/lock system to keep them "tied."  I am so in love with these.  I put them on my own shoes.  I found out that my sister uses these for her triathalons.  In fact, the original reason these laces were designed was for athletes to save time when putting on their shoes. 

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 These can also be found on Amazon when you search under elastic laces.  There are several brands that work great, so don't think you have to go with the most expensive ones. 

So, yes, I'm grateful for laces that, not only are no-tie, but also will stay in the shoes when my cute ribbon twirler decides he needs a new ribbon.  :)

Swim Diapers for Bigger Kids and Adults

So this is another post where I'm grateful for those other parents in my facebook support groups who know the answers I'm looking for.
My kids outgrew swim diapers forever ago.  The problem is, they LOVE swimming.  I was trying to time their BMs, so that we wouldn't be swimming when that happened and just cross my fingers and hope for the best, but finally I found a solution, thanks to the other parents in my support group.
I personally liked the disposable swim diapers the best.  I already have enough laundry.  So, if you are looking for swim diapers for bigger kids or adults, Swimmates Disposable Adult Swim Diapers are a great option.  You can find them on North Shore's website and on Amazon.com.

Other parents suggested washable swim pants, which would be cheaper in the long run.  A lot of autism parents use these.
I'm just excited that there are options out there for the bigger kids.  :)

A Couple Tips for the Parents of Poop Smearers from Other Parents of Poop Smearers

As an autism mom, who happens to clean smeared poo at least once a day, I'm grateful for the support groups on facebook that give handy tips.
For example:  One woman suggested that if you have lingering poo smell on your hands after cleaning all that loveliness, use a dab of toothpaste to wash your hands.  It will get the poo out.  It works too.  I tried it.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for that tip.

Another hygiene product that works good for poop smeared in the hair is shaving cream.  Who knew?

Many parents suggest putting your kids in onesies or footie pajamas but having the zipper on the back.  I did try that, but my kids basically tore the pajamas apart to get out of them.  So that was a fail for me.  Another parent, when I posted that my kids won't stay in the onesies or footie pajamas suggested these:
https://funandfunction.com/keeps-me-clean-nopu-shorts.html

Unfortunately, my kids are too big for those, but I wish I had known about them when they were younger, so I'm putting them on here for anyone who might be able to benefit from it.
And lastly, a friend and fellow Autism parent reminded me that I should get to the root of the issue. Her advice:

"Any routine to bathrooming? Is he time trained? If you can figure out the time he goes you can make sure to have him on the pot if he is potty trained and if not can change him right away. Doing some ABC data collection could help figure out the why he is doing it. ( A- Antecedent; what occurs directly before and/or leading up to the behavior (fecal smearing)? B- Behavior; the behavior itself; C- Consequence; what occurs after the behavior including reactions of caretakers? ) 

If it sensory then something simple as playing with strong scented Play-Doh or finger painting. If it's attention seeking cleaning everything up without eye contact and no words past " take off pants , get in shower" pretty much basic simple instructions. If it's something that started as something and has turned into habit an overcorrection procedure would be the first step I would take ( making him clean it , and make sure it isn't fun in any way shape or form , I used vinegar water as my son didn't like the smell and it didn't take too long for him to understand that poop play ended in him having to smell vinegar and clean ) I have found most behaviors here in autism land seem to be escape , sensory , or obtaining driven. So ABC data would be great to start with."

Good luck to all of us, as we continue to embark on our "crappy" journeys.

Safety Suggestions for Our Wanderers

We recently moved to a new home.  Since moving in, one of our children has gotten out of the house and explored the neighborhood numerous times.  It's become such an issue that, like many autism parents out there, we basically have had to barricade our home from the inside.  We started out with a regular deadbolt, and when he figured how to use the key to get out, we upgraded to a digital deadbolt.  This is not the one-sided kind.  We found one where you have to enter a combination on both sides of the door. Here is a link to the one we have.  It can be tricky to install (we ended up installing it upside down to get it to fit correctly in our door), but so worth it.:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00M8T70U4/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o08_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

We are also basically on a first-name basis with our local police department.  They are usually pretty understanding.  Thank goodness.

Another thing we ended up doing is putting together a flyer introducing all of our kids to the neighbors. (I also gave it to the local law enforcement agency, who forwarded it to their patrol vehicles). Below is an example you can refer to, if you want to make your own flyer. Since I have three kids with severe autism, my example has three.  I was so grateful I handed out the flyers to my neighbors.  I have had two phone calls since telling me that my child was at different neighbors' houses, and yes, he just walked in, opened their fridges and ate their cheese.  It was a good way to meet some nice and understanding new friends.

Adele Remedy Lyrics

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for the moments when I can recognize that God is giving me a message, that He is there for me when I'm feeling down.
I've been fighting some major depression. Today as I was driving my kids home from school, I was listening to Adele's latest album, and her song, "Your Remedy" came on. As I was listening to the lyrics, I got the strongest feeling that in that instant, they were a message from God to me. When I'm sad, or feeling down, I know that going to my Heavenly Father with my problems really is the true remedy.

Prepaid Cell Phones: A Cheaper Alternative to Tablets

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for prepaid cell phones, not for the reason they are intended for...but yes, oh so grateful.
My sister came to my house one day bearing a gift, a prepaid phone.  It was one of the phones that didn't have a contract, etc.  Anyway, she told me how I didn't even have to pay for monthly minutes because I didn't have to use the actual phone.  I could just turn on the wifi and download my kids games and youtube on there, and then they wouldn't try to steal my phone all day.  We also wouldn't have to dole out a hundred bucks every time one of them decided to throw a tablet or watch youtube in the bathtub.
So, when you are starting up these cell phones, just let them run their attempts to activate your phone. (They usually take 5 tries and then give up), and then go on your merry way with an affordable,  fun-filled distraction for your kids.
My latest purchase is my favorite.  I found a WATERPROOF prepaid phone (Kyocera Hydro Prepaid Android Phone) for $20.  So now, the only reason I will have to replace them is for cracked screens!
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008P2O89E/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

DIY: Tie Shoes That Don't Have to be Tied

My kids can't tie their shoes.  So I decided to make their sneakers more of a slip-on experience:

First I tied each lace in a double knot (or even a triple knot) right next to the outside of the lace holes.

Next, I snipped the shoelaces, leaving just a little extra room after the knots.

And there you have it, slip on sneakers.  And, yes, I know they sell cuter versions at the store, but sometimes you've got to be resourceful and use what you have, right? ;)

Christmas Cheer

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for whoever it was that left us a little Christmas cheer on our porch on Christmas Eve!  It was such a cute and happy surprise.  It cheered both Kevin and I up, as we opened the origami money ornaments and opened the slips of paper to read the fun jokes, spiritual quotes and scriptures.  This was such a great idea.  I hope someday I can copy it and spread the Christmas cheer to another family that needs some holiday brightness.

1. 

Autism Proof Ornaments 2015

If you saw my previous posts, you know I've always struggled to make our Christmas decor functional.  This year I decided to make more of these ornaments.  (Tutorial here.)
Merry Christmas everyone!

Paracord

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for the Paracord bracelet kit I got for Christmas. This afternoon I was really antsy and decided to try and make a bracelet.  I found a very good tutorial here:  http://www.thereadystore.com/diy/5845/make-your-own-paracord-bracelet/

I was pretty proud of my final result.

However, as you can see in the video above, the person who is the most grateful for the paracord is Jason.  He loves playing with any long string that can make twirly designs in the air.  :)  If you need to keep Jason occupied for any length of time.  Such a cutie!

Solving the Window Dilemma

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for the idea I came up with inspired by my cousin Laci.  She's a contemporary artist, http://lacimccrea.deviantart.com/ , and for fun, during seasonal times, she will paint store windows, etc.  

Now on to the reason I'm grateful for her.  My oldest son has an issue with being naked in his bedroom.  I normally don't mind if he's naked in his bedroom.  That is his space.  However, He's going through puberty right now.  Too much information?  And his bedroom window faces my neighbor's, who happens to have two sweet little girls.  I don't know if it is part of the puberty, but he has also become pretty destructive and knocks things off the walls, tables etc.  He also rips things up.  One of the things he likes to destruct is his curtains.I have tried blinds, curtains on a rod, curtains hooked into the little blinds clips, etc.  He tears them all down the second he gets in his room.  It's very frustrating to think of my pubescent son standing at the window in all his glory.  

Last night, I said a prayer that I could figure out a solution that he couldn't destroy.  This morning, I started thinking about my cousin, Laci, and her window paintings, and I realized that maybe I could try painting my son's windows.  I knew that seasonal store window paintings would have to be washed off, so that also eased my mind about painting windows in a home that I rent.  

I asked my cousin for advice on how to carry out my idea.  She told me that any acrylic paints will work. The cheapest paints are harder to get off later because they are kind of thin and watery.  She suggested finding the paints at an Art store or a craft store like Michaels.  I decided to use white paint, so that it wouldn't darken his room.  It turned out great, and the best part of all is that no one can see inside.  

So grateful for a solution to this problem. If I ever need to, I can easily wash the paint off with soap and water.   

Those Other Parents that Understand

As an autism mom, I'm so grateful for those other parents that understand exactly what it is like to experience raising children on the spectrum.  It's just a fact that if you meet another parent with kids with autism, you have an instant friend and support.
I felt like this blog post said it perfectly because we can all relate to so many of the signs on the list:
38 Signs You Might be an Autism Parent
Just thought I'd share this insight I had one day.  I firmly believe that before I was sent to this earth for this test we call life, God called me into his office and said, "Hey Christine, I have an experience in mind for you.  It will be extremely unique and you will be able to learn so much.  It will also be extremely hard, but it will be worth it."   And I know that the thought of that made me excited and nervous, and here I am, in this experience that is extremely unique, has taught me so much, is extremely hard, but also so very worth it.  Being an autism mom...there's nothing like it.

Choice Board for Computer Time

It's Winter Break here.  That is my least favorite time of year.  Don't get me wrong, I adore my kids, but I adore them even more when they are at school for part of the day.  ;)  

Let's just say, I have ADD, and my brain is not a structured brain, so it is hard for me to maintain the structure my kids thrive on when they have school.  Therefore; my day consists of one chaotic dilemma after another during winter break.

My daughter has become extremely possessive of the iPad, which is actually fine because it keeps her from one of her other favorite activities is to flood the bathroom. So, when Garrett is in need of a digital diversion, he has to rely on the good old fashioned computer.  ;)   

Yesterday, I realized that Garrett might not know that he can use his favorite programs from the iPad on the computer.  So, I turned to the tried and true Choice Board.  

I decided to keep it simple and just put three choices on it:  Zac Browser, YouTube and iTunes.  If you are an autism parent and haven't heard of Zac Browser, it is absolutely wonderful.  ZAC is an anagram for "Zone for Autistic Children."  Here's a post from when Garrett first discovered it that explains a little more: http://abunchofroaches.blogspot.com/2009/05/we-love-zac-browser.html

YouTube is a favorite of all of my kids, but it took a while for me to figure out how to make it work best.  First, I had to learn how to turn on the safety mode for youtube.  No need for the kids to learn swear words, see things they shouldn't, etc.  Then I started making individual playlists with clips for my kids that i knew they would like.  They think it's so fun, especially since they can click on whichever video they want, and it keeps their attention better than an entire movie does.  Also, there are suggestions on the side of the clip you watch with similar clips.  So they can discover their own clips they like too.

I have the iTunes logo on the choice board because,before Amazon and other sites had the digital movies for sale, iTunes did.  So when my kids open iTunes, they have access to their entire library of digital movies. And, since they only like certain parts, they can use the mouse to move the cursor to the parts in the movies they want to watch.  :)  

It was so nice this morning to show Garrett the Computer Choice Board, and hear him say, "I want iTunes please!"

Code Adam

As an autism mom, I am so grateful for the Code Adam protocol that is used by many stores and businesses.  It was developed in 1981, after Adam Walsh, the son of John Walsh, was abducted from a local store.  Stores that are trained in Code Adam usually will have this decal:

Unfortunately, today I had the opportunity, firsthand, to see this in action, but, FORTUNATELY, the protocol was in place and actually worked.  I was at Wal-Mart with my 10-year-old son, when he suddenly made a dash for it.   He has a history of running away from me in stores.  He loves to run up and down the aisles, and many times, by the time I get to him, he's found some yummy treat to eat that I get to add to my shopping cart.  I have always been able to catch him pretty quickly, but yesterday was different.  We were in a Wal-Mart store on Black Friday:  Need I say more.  I was absolutely terrified, and asked the first employee I could find what I should do.  I informed him that my son was autistic, and he had run away from me and was alone in the store.

He promptly took me to the dressing rooms, which are located in the center of the store.   The dressing room attendant then paged a Code Adam over the store intercom.  She explained that there was a missing 10-year-old boy with autism, and gave a description, including age, hair color and what he was wearing.   She asked the workers to bring him to the dressing room where his mother was waiting.  After the page she a asked me to stay there, which I did, even though every part of me felt the need to continue looking.  
After a long 5 minutes, I was reunited with my son.  He was in the paper towel aisle.  I would have never looked there.  

So, on this Thanksgiving weekend, the thing I am most grateful for is that my son was found, safe and sound because this protocol exists, and the store employees knew exactly what they needed to do to reunite me with my son.

Here are the steps to a Code Adam, per the website for The Center for Missing and Exploited Children:

1. Obtain a detailed description of the child, including what he or she is wearing.
2. Page "Code Adam." Describe the child's physical features and clothing.
3. Designated employees will immediately stop working, look for the child and monitor front entrances to ensure the child does not leave the premises.
4. Call law enforcement if the child is not found within 10 minutes.
5. If the child is found and appears to have been lost and unharmed, reunite the child with the searching family member.
6. If the child is found accompanied by someone other than a parent or legal guardian, make reasonable efforts to delay their departure without putting the child, staff or visitors at risk. Immediately notify law enforcement and give details about the person accompanying the child.
7. Cancel the Code Adam page after the child is found or law enforcement arrives.

Service of Others

As an autism mom, who can be very overwhelmed by the differing aspects in my life, I am so thankful for the service others give me.  What has carried me through my hard times are friends/family who reached out to me to see how I'm doing, watched my kids for an hour or two so I could have that much-needed nap, lent me a pair of shoes after my son threw his in the toilet right as the school bus pulled up, came over to offer some company and befriend my kids, taken me to breakfast to get out of the house, brought me dinners, etc.  I am so very blessed to be surrounded by so many Christlike people.

A specific example happened this morning.  I was cleaning my scary messy house after a weekend.  Mondays are not my favorite for that reason.  There was a knock on my door, and when I answered it, the sister missionaries were standing there.  They offered to help me clean my house, and then left me a wonderful message along with their wonderful act of service.  My sister had sent me this message before, but somehow it touched me even more this time.  Just wanted to take the chance to share it with whomever needs it, and I hope it can help them like it helps me.  (to read the entire talk, by Henry B. Eyring, click. here.)

Cleaning Recipe for those Fun Poop Smearing Episodes

As an autism mom, I'm so grateful for a friend of mine from church.  She came over one day with the missionaries, who had asked how to they could serve my family.  When the missionaries asked, there happened to be a sticky handprint on the wall directly behind them that gave me the inspiration to ask if they could help me wash my walls.
Little did I know, this friend of mine who accompanied the missionaries, was the daughter of a woman who owned a Green Cleaning business.  She had great insights on how to get the ridiculous, stuck on smears that were on my walls and doors.  She also was kind enough to tell me tricks to get rid of smells that often come with potty training or just having kids who like to explore the texture of what is involved in potty training.
This morning, I had to contact her again, because of course, with my ADD, I have no clue where I put those recipes that were diligently written down that day.
So here's the amazing green recipe that she gave me to get out the poop while also getting rid of the odor.

One capful of ammonia
1/4 c vinegar
1/8 c Borax
2 gallons of water
*If the smell is super potent, add 1/2 cup of vinegar instead of 1/4 cup.

Spray the affected area and let it sit for 5 minutes.  Then wipe clean.  (For super-hard-to-get-off spots, the microfiber towels work best).

Laundry and Friendship

http://apopofpretty.com/free-printable-artwork-laundry/

As an autism mom, I struggle with SO MUCH LAUNDRY.  Two of my kids are basically potty trained, but they still have accidents sometimes.  All three have nighttime accidents.  That leads to at least two loads of bedding every single day, not to mention the clothes they go through.  We are trying so hard to keep one child clothed, until we see a streaking image running past us and find different outfit attempts hidden throughout the house.  I can wash a whole drawerful of clothes that were worn for maybe 15 minutes.
Now, here is my gratitude part.  I have a very dear friend who recently felt prompted to come by every morning and pick up those two loads of bedding I mentioned earlier.  She washes them, returning the next morning to swap the clean sheets with the newly dirty ones.  She told me that is what God told her I needed, and I believe her because I would NEVER feel comfortable asking that of anyone, and most people wouldn't think of laundry as something to do for someone. Laundry is one of those things that can make me feel depressed and overwhelmed and put me in a mommy funk.
I now have hope because there is a diminishing mountain of laundry in the laundry room.  I feel so loved and grateful.  My friend also showed me this, which makes her even more awesome:

Canning Jar Lid Ornaments

As an autism mom, sometimes it's hard to have autism-proof Christmas decorations.  We have learned to change all the ornament hooks to ribbons, only use shatterproof ornaments, have a kid-friendly nativity set, etc.

Last year we tied a bunch of ribbons to our tree.  It looked great, and my kids weren't walking off with all the ornaments.  This year I wanted to try something different.  We decided to get creative and make ornaments out of canning jar lids.

What we needed to make these ornaments were canning jar lids, a tin hole punch, mod podge, foam brushes, and of course any paper we would want to mod podge onto the lids.  I used cute wrapping paper for mine.  I was able to personalize them for each person in our family.
We traced the canning jar lids onto the wrapping paper, cut them out, and then mod podged them to the jar lids.  Once the mod podge had dried, we punched a hole in the top and made a loop out of ribbon to hang it on the tree.

 These are the ornaments I made for Kevin.  He collects vintage Coca Cola stuff, and I found this great wrapping paper to use.  It made me happy.

Caiti loves all things Dora and Sesame Street, so you can guess who these were made for.  She doesn't necessarily leave the ornaments on the tree, but she is so happy carrying around the different characters.  :)

Of course, the Cars and Thomas the Tank Engine ornaments are for my little guys.

These last ones are for me.  All I did was draw a snowman face on them, then punch an extra hole in the bottom for a felt "scarf."  

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Seat Belts So We Can Be Safe

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for Dora the Explorer.  I personally think she's super annoying, and I hate that every show is basically the same show with different places.  But hey, that's not what matters.  Dora taught my kids about seat belt safety.
Caiti used to climb out of her seat belt in the car.  It was scary to take her anywhere.  I ended up having to be creative, and I put together a youtube playlist about seat belt safety and pretty much played it nonstop for a week.  That helped a lot.  To quote Dora, when Caiti would be resisting putting on her seat belt, I would just have to say, "Seat belts... so we can be safe," and because Dora did it, she would comply.  Hooray!
The other morning I was helping my kids get on the bus.  Garrett concentrated really hard and clicked his own seat belt into place.  He looked up at me with happy, proud eyes and said, "So we can be safe!"  That made my heart melt.  I guess I can forgive Dora for being annoying.

Jason Snuggles

As an autism mommy, I'm so grateful for my Jason (who I like to refer to as my warm fuzzy).  He is the best snuggler ever.  He shows his love every day giving perfect hugs and kisses.  I'm also thankful for his Aunt Michelle, who is his roommate, and who captures these moments when I'm too spaced out to even think about it.  Cuteness!!!!!!

Insight into the Nonverbal Mind

As an autism mom, I'm so very grateful for the resources out there that are actually from people who have autism.  Most people have heard of Temple Grandin.  She is a high functioning autistic woman who is very successful in her career.   I remember the first time I heard of her, I was so excited to read her books because she had first-hand experience with autism and was able to explain the mysteries of it in a way that was easy to understand.  I had previously been recommended a stack of boring books by clinicians, etc. Let's just say, I devoured the information in the Temple Grandin books, and that other stack of books is still unread.

The thing is, all three of my kids are basically nonverbal.  Sure, Garrett can talk some.  He can tell me what he needs.  He can quote TV and movies with the best of them, but he can't converse.  He has to learn the answers expected of him for basic questions.  Caiti has a very hard time remembering any words.  She has always struggled with language.  Jason tries sooo hard, but he is basically nonverbal as well.  Sometimes we, as parents, forget that just because our kids have a communication deficit, this doesn't mean that they don't understand us or what is going on around us.  I remember the first time I saw the below video about Carly Fleishman, a nonverbal, low-functioning autistic girl.  It was amazing to see the person underneath the veil of her autism.  

The part that affected me the very most was when the father was stating how he realized that he had said so many things in front of her thinking she didn't understand.  Don't we all make that mistake. This video helped me do a better job considering my children's feelings when speaking to others about them.
I think my very favorite resource out there that is written by a nonverbal person with autism is the book, The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a 13-Year Old Boy With Autism, by Naoki Higashida.

I would give a super good review of this book, but the author of Cloud Atlas, David Mitchell, who also has a child with autism, said it the best in his own review: http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/books/2013/09/autism_memoir_by_japanese_teenager_david_mitchell_translates_the_reason.html
I love this book so much because it is a Q&A book.  Basically, so many questions that I have had about my kids and what they feel, how they see the world, why they do what they do, are answered by this boy.  It is an eye opener for me and a life changer.
That is why I am so thankful for those people out there with autism, especially severe autism like my children, who were able to find a way to communicate what is going on for them.  Anything that helps me to understand my children better is wonderful.

Thoughtfulness of a Friend

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for an experience I had when I was pregnant with my third child, Jason. The reason this has been on my mind is because I have a sweet, brand new niece, and I've been wishing I could be there and wondering what I can do for my sister and her cute little baby.

Anyway, it really isn't the norm to have a baby shower on the third kid, and I didn't really expect one. However; a friend of mine took the initiative to do something awesome for me.  She was my guardian angel during a rough time.  

When I was pregnant with Jason, almost ready to pop, my husband left for basic training.  I was left home dealing with the stresses of being by myself, and raising my two older kids (both of whom I had finally accepted had autism).  I also was dealing with the stressors of gestational diabetes, figuring out whether or not to move when my husband got his orders, etc.  I had had a very difficult year financially because Kevin was out of work for a lot of the time while we went through the process of enlistment in the military.

So, this friend of mine (who I met at church) decided to throw me a shower.  She told everyone at church that instead of the normal gifts for a baby, they should give diapers.  She also noted that they should give all sizes of diapers.  I was amazed at her thoughtfulness.  Yes, I would need diapers for the baby, but I also had my two other kids who were nowhere near being ready for potty training.  

The day that my friend brought over all the diapers she had collected for my family I was just in awe.  There was a giant pile of them in my garage.  I felt the love of my church family when I saw so many packages of diapers, and they lasted me for months.  They really helped me to get through that first little while with a little less stress. I will never forget the kindness and thoughtfulness of that friend and my church family. 

Spinny Chairs

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for the spinny chairs we got from ikea (IKEA PS LÖMSK).We originally got one for Garrett for Christmas last year.  When my parents were here they saw how much all my kids liked that chair, so they gave them another one from "Grandpa Claus."  :)

There is a quote in my now-favorite book about autism, The Reason I Jump:  The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy With Autism, by Naoki Higashida.  It talks about why people with autism like to spin:
"Everyday scenery doesn't rotate, so things that do spin simply fascinate us.  Just watching spinning things fills us with a sort of everlasting bliss-for the time we sit watching them, they rotate with perfect regularity.  Whatever object we spin, this is always true.  Unchanging things are comforting, and there's something beautiful about that."