Be Still

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for this song,Be Still, by The Killers.  I was driving home from getting my son's prescription last night.  I was feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, and this song started playing.  I felt like the message was for me, and it also brought to my mind that wonderful scripture, Psalms 46:10, "Be ^astill, and ^bknow that I am God..." that reminds me to give my worries to God when I am unable to do anything else.

Autism and Dental Work

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for pediatric dentistry.  The dental aspect of autism is especially hard for me. My kids are not so good at letting me brush their teeth, and they'd rather chew on the toothbrush than brush their teeth themselves.  Their school OT suggested vibrating toothbrushes.  I had never tried them before because I thought the noise would totally bug them, but actually, they really like those.  I'm grateful for their ABA programs for implementing tooth brushing.  They are starting right at the basic, desensitizing them to the feeling of a toothbrush in their mouths and working up to total brushing of their teeth.  This might not sound good to those out there who don't understand because how long will that take?  But, I'm glad they are doing it a little at a time, so toothbrushing will no longer be so aversive to my kids.

Needless to say, my kids have plenty of cavities.  Also needless to say, they will not tolerate any dental work (xrays, teeth cleaning, procedures).  This is why I'm grateful for pediatric dentistry.  Our primary care doctor referred them to the pediatric dentistry clinic at the hospital.  For those of you who are curious how to get this kind of dental care, the primary care doctor is who I would start with.  Most know where to refer your child for specialized dental care.
Our pediatric dentist wants to see my kids every four months for checkups.  This is basically so that they can get used to him and more comfortable with dental visits.  He does a visual exam of their teeth when we visit.  If he sees any visible cavities, that is when we schedule an entire day for dental procedures.
For Jason, in order to even be able to have this done, he first had to have a physical exam.  The day before the procedure, we had to go to the hospital for preop.  The morning of the procedure he couldn't have anything to eat, and he could only drink clear fluids up until 2 hours before his scheduled procedure.  After that, he wasn't allowed to drink anything.
When we got to the hospital, they changed him into some nifty hospital pajamas.  I like those a lot more than hospital gowns...even if Jason does have a cute little bum.  Jason was super comfy in his pajamas, and he was lucky because Aunt Michelle sent him with his SUPER SOFT blankie.
While we were waiting, the anesthesiologist came to talk to us.  He explained how they would put Jason under for the procedure.  The procedure would last anywhere from 2-4 hours for the xray, cleaning, fillings, any major dental work.

I was so glad they had the swivel chairs in the room we were waiting in.  Jason was very entertained and resourceful, using the sink and the hospital bed to propel his spinning.  :)
Anyway, the anesthesiologist came and got Jason and told me where the waiting room was.  I waited forever for them to finish.  They ended up doing three mini root canals in the back of his mouth and pulling one tooth.  I'm so grateful that they could do this all in one visit (even if it did take all day).  I'm grateful my baby boy was asleep and didn't have to freak out about what was happening.
We spent a couple hours in the recovery room waiting for Jason to come out of anesthesia, and then we were discharged to home.  Jason now has a much happier mouth.

Zoo

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for the zoo. We have zoo passes for the kids, and one great thing about the zoo is that if your child is disabled, the accompanying adult is free. This was also true at Sea World and Birch Aquarium, so it's always a good idea to check these place's policies to see if you might save some money that way.
Today was a good day to take Jason to the zoo. He had a pediatric dental procedure this afternoon where they will be using anesthesia to put him out, and he isn't allowed to eat anything at all or drink anything after two hours before the procedure. The zoo is actually only about 10 minutes from the hospital, so it was a convenient way to distract Jason from his growling tummy.
He was so happy to be at the zoo and have his mommy all to himself. He especially LOVED the Skyfari tram ride. Me...not so much.

Hungry and Swing

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for any new words that come out of my kids' mouths.  Caiti and Jason are "nonverbal."  They definitely make lots of "words" with their mouth, but not words that I understand.  Caiti is adorable when she plays with her toys, and she has them talk to each other in Caiti jabber.  Jason is so sweet when he's just sitting there doing actions to the songs, so then I know that in his brain, he's "singing" Eensie Weensie Spider.
Yesterday Caiti came up to me bearing a plate.  She has always done this when she wants something to eat, and I usually prompt her to say something by asking, "What do you want?"  She normally will respond with her go-to word, "Drink."  However, yesterday, I didn't even have to ask what she wanted.  She came up to me and said, "Uh-bree."  So, my baby girl said "hungry" to me.  That made me so proud and happy to hear her using a word spontaneously and correctly.
When we were at the park, later in the day, I asked Jason what he wanted, and he said, "Weeb"  which in Jason terms is "swing."  He's so cute and sweet, and I gladly took him over to the swings and gave him a push.
It's the little things, that are huge in my house, that make it all worth it.

Sewing Machine (for the DIY Hammock Swing)

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for my sewing machine.  It took me a while to like it cause I didn't get how to work it, everything I made looked like crap, etc.  And it still does...but it has proved useful.  For instance, if you saw our earlier posts, you know that my kids LOVE swings.  We were fortunate enough to be given a swingset for Christmas from a local charity.  Unfortunately, my kids have already broken all the swings because they use them constantly...and they're pretty big kids.
So this morning I got on pinterest and looked up DIY hammocks.  I figured maybe my sewing machine could help me out on that one.  And it did.  I found an old blanket and followed the directions in one of the pins on pinterest to sew hems on both sides of the blanket.  They said to then thread rope through the hems and hang it from a tree.  I don't have a nice big tree to do that, and I've used rope before, that soooo doesn't work out at my house.  I did have the chains from the broken swings, so I connected two chains together per side and threaded them through the hem.  I then hung them from the hookie thingies on the swingset.  It worked great.

But I got to thinking that maybe the blanket would rip...especially if my kids can break the plastic swings.  So I got a scrap piece of leather (Yes, I cut the leather off of my old couches for future projects).  and sewed it to the back of the hammock to provide reinforcement.  I also realized my kids were looking super hot when they'd come in for swinging.  So...

After thinking how hot fleece would feel surrounding you, like it does in the hammock form, I used one of our worn out sheets and sewed that the front and over the hem to provide a cooler seat for my kids.

And hey, it worked out...at least for now...or until I have extra money to buy the expensive swings that will hold the weight of three enthusiastic swingers.  :)

Caiti's "Mirror"

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for cameras that have the ability to switch the view finder to face you.  This is because my kids think it is a mirror, and the results are very cute movies just for me.

Miracle Naps

As an autism mom, today I'm grateful for the miraculous event of all three children napping at the same time ( not to mention Dougie).

Dougie

As an autism mom, and after almost 10 years being married, having kids, not having pets, and being happy about it, I actually am surprised to say that I'm grateful for our new dog.  I have read several things about how doggies are good companions for kids with autism, and I would smile and think, "That's great for all those other kids," then go about my day without a dog.  

Then last Sunday, my husband left to get a haircut and came back with a puppy.  I was so mad at him.  I mean, don't I have enough poop, pee, chewed on stuff, major messes, etc. to clean up already?  But then the puppy was so sweet, didn't bark at us, was super snuggly.  Also, to see the light in my husband's eye and to hear him say that now our family was complete made it worth it.  Honestly, the thing that got me at first was that he started eating the popcorn my kids had just spilled all over the floor.  It reminded me of people who buy goats to mow their grass.  I had a dog to be a vacuum.  ;)

Since our kids are very limited in their verbal ability, we decided to name the dog, Dougie.  Doggy is a word that all my kids can say, and doggy is close enough to Dougie...right?  

Dougie has been extremely cute with my kids.  The very first day Kevin came and got me right when I was finally lying down for my nap.  He said, "You've got to come see this."  My annoyance at being disturbed during my "me time" quickly turned into utter happiness when I saw Dougie standing protectively between my sweet baby girl and the fence where the mean dog was barking at her and trying to jump over.

I couldn't get to this picture in time, but when I walked in on Jason after his nap, I found him sitting up petting his doggy.  It made me happy.

Garrett has made friends with Dougie too.  He talks about his "dog" randomly throughout the day.  At first he was scared of him, but now he lets him climb right up on his lap, and Garrett will get a smile and pet him while looking up at the ceiling.  So cute.

The best part for me is that I haven't been AT ALL motivated to exercise.  If I have free time I just want to veg...but every day this week after I have the kids on the bus, I take Dougie on a walk.  Walks are a lot more fun when you have a doggy to keep you company.  So, maybe I'm a converted dog lover after all.  :)

Your Future is as Bright as Your Faith

As an autism mom, I am grateful for the personal insight/revelation I can receive when I actually take the time to stop and listen.  I had the chance to attend the first hour of church last week.  One of the speakers was talking about how excited she was to serve a mission for our church.  She had such a brightness about her.  She had the spirit in her face.  She had such excitement for her future.
It took me back to my college days.  I had such faith back then.  I'm not saying I don't now, but it's a different kind of faith.  I don't want to say that I have lost that "perfect brightness of hope," but some days are harder than others, and sometimes it's hard to have a positive outlook for my future.  Life has given me too many things that I didn't expect (not just my children), and it's been a hard road, trying to accept what I've been given and to figure out how to use what I've been given in my life.
As I was listening to her talk, the quote, "Your future is as bright as your faith," by Thomas S. Monson came into my mind.  Back in the day, I had such faith that all would go well, and I believed with all my heart that my future was bright.  I had an ah-ha moment when I thought about this.  Just because my future didn't turn out how I expected, that doesn't mean that it wasn't a bright future.  My husband and I were entrusted with some amazing children who teach us about life and God and love every day.  It can be overwhelming and hard, but I have to remember how lucky I am to have such amazing little teachers in my life.  I'm so lucky to be blessed with the many people in my life who were sent to me to help my family, and in turn who my babies have also helped.
So I'm going to try and focus on my faith, which is always a hard thing.  I'm going to focus on faith in a happy future where my kids will have the opportunities they need to reach their full potential and where I will have the same opportunities to reach mine.

President's Day

As an autism mom, I am grateful that God gave me a mellow President's Day. I was expecting it to be torturous, hectic and crazy, and it just wasn't. All of my kids were super sweet and happy. I think maybe God blessed their mommy to be in a mood that would help, not hinder this outcome. P.S. I'm also super grateful to live in California, so we can all get our wiggles out and play outdoors in February. :)

Addressing Appropriate Touch

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for resources out there to address the serious subject of appropriate and inappropriate touch.  I'm not talking about the healthy exploration that every kid goes through, discovering different parts of their bodies, but I'm talking about explaining appropriate touch by others.  This is one of those things that so many parents of non-verbal children are afraid of.  What if someone does something inappropriate to my child, and they don't have the language to tell me.  What if they don't understand my wording, especially because social boundaries are so hard for children with autism.
So, I have put together some resources that I will be using to explain all of this to my kids in a way that they could better understand.
I think when I do this, I will start by explaining what private parts are:
To explain private parts very clearly, this social story can be helpful What are Private Parts.
I would then go on to explain who it is okay and not okay to be naked around.  A helpful social story for this  is Who Can See Me Naked.  I especially like this one because I have a child who loves to be naked, and I think this can help some.  I appreciate that it includes the doctor as someone that is okay to see them naked.
I would then read them the social story, What is Bad Touch or this social story Good touches and Bad Touches.  These stories explain the places that other people should not be touching with both words and drawings.
There are other helpful social stories about appropriate hugging and kissing on their part.  These are Who Can I Kiss and All About Hugs.

The websites that I used for these links are www.livingwellwithautism.com and kidscandream.webs.com

Lastly, I was reading an article about two preschoolers who were caught exploring each other's bodies with their mouths.  Very shocking and sad, but at the same time, they probably didn't realize their behavior was inappropriate.  One of the comments underneath that story suggested using this video with young children to prevent this behavior.

Chewy Toys for Oral Sensory Needs

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for chewy toys.  Jason is very orally driven.  He chews on anything and everything.  Coincidentally, when I was a baby, my parents nicknamed me Popeye because I always had something sticking out of my mouth like Popeye's pipe.  So, I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

A lot of kids with autism seek out sensory feedback through their mouth.  This can be frustrating.  For example, every one of my kids has bitten my CDs and DVDs which is why we are an all-digital family.  We can't have the earphones with the fuzzy outsides because they take those off and chew on them.  Any time we get gum, they somehow obtain magical intuition to know where it is hiding and put the entire pack of gum in their mouths at once.
This is why, if oral sensory needs are an issue with your child, having a chewy toy (also known as a chewy tube) can be very soothing and actually help with their behavior.  When we first were introduced to this idea by our Occupational therapist, we were sort of offended.  After all, aren't chewy toys for puppies?  We have since gotten over this way of thinking. Jason has chewy toys at school.  When he is trying to mouth the other toys, pencils, etc., they hand him his "chewy" instead.  It also helps to have them at home.  That way,  the stuff that might feel nice inside someone's mouth is safer because there is a chewy that is actually meant for chewing on.
More mature kids, who don't spit out gum or swallow it, find a lot of relief by chewing gum all day.  I can't wait for the day when that will be our solution, but for now:

There are many choices for "chewies" online.  I get mine on Amazon.com. The ones we have liked the best are the knobby texture chewy tube and the P and Q Chewy Tubes.  The hard thing with the P and Q tubes is that if you tell your child to "chew on your 'P'" that might sound a little inappropriate.   Yes, we have said that one in public without thinking.  ;)
                    

One thing I hadn't thought of...until today... was using baby toys for chewies.  This morning we took Caiti to the dentist, and afterward, we took her to the gift shop (she sees a pediatric dentist at the hospital).  I let her choose a toy, and for some reason, she chose the baby elephant toy.   When Jason found it, I realized it was perfect for an oral sensory boy.  It has so many "teething" parts to it that are perfect for a chewy substitute, so don't rule those out as well.  ;)

Caiti Update

Last Tuesday we took Caiti to see a psychiatrist who specializes in autism to address her self injury.  After a thorough assesment, he decided to put her on small doses of a combination of Tenex (off-brand for ADD symptoms) and Prozac.  We were worried she wouldn't take her medications, but she has done great when we magically hide them in a spoonful of...NUTELLA!!!!!  So, not only am I grateful for the meds, but I'm grateful for Nutella because that is the only way she has EVER let me give her meds.  :)

There has been such a nice change since she started on her medications, just in this first week.  She has returned to her happy, sweet self.  She still tantrums, because she is the same person, but her tantrums are not nearly as bad.  There is still a small amount of self injury due to frustration, but it has decreased so much! It is fun to have our happy girl back and see her playing with her toys and finding the joy in her life again!

Pay It FOrwaRD

As an autism mommy, I'm grateful for the first example I had of someone on the autism spectrum, my nephew Ford.  Ford had Asperger's syndrome, which in my book means that Ford was actually interesting and fun.  Ford is the nephew I wrote about earlier, the one who passed away suddenly.  This weekend is the 6th anniversary of his death.  My sister is using this very hard thing and making it into something positive by making this anniversary an annual tribute to Ford called, "Pay It FOrwaRD."  

This is what my sister posted for the event: 

On the 27th of this month, it will be 6 years since our son Ford was suddenly called back to his Heavenly Father. Ford was sweet and kind. He loved scouts, star wars & outer space. He had a silly sense of humor. He was thoughtful and helped others feel God's love. My family and I would be honored if you would, wherever you are, on the weekend of the 25-27th of January, help us celebrate Ford's life and legacy. Please pray as a family, or by yourself to know how to do this. It can be in a big way, or in one or many small ways. We are asking you to make your corner of the world a little better. Look for ways you can help and share your love with those you know, or complete strangers. Please share this with your friends & help us to touch as many lives as possible as we "Pay it FOrwaRD."  

Besides finding ways to Pay it FOrwaRD, my family also tie-dyed our shirts for the event.  After all, tie dye was Ford's favorite color.  One of many things about him that makes me smile.

Lastly, my sister sent me this email a couple months ago.  It was a list of the reasons I love Ford that I wrote at his viewing:

I love Ford for so many reasons. Just thinking about him makes me smile. He always was so happy to see us & so sad to leave. 
He gave me lessons when I was pregnant on how to take care of babies.
He offered to teach Caiti to walk "in the grass, so it will be soft when she falls down."
The first time I talked to him on the phone, I got out my journal & wrote everything he said down because it was so cute, funny & totally unique.
I remember the first time I met him as a newborn. We were in church & he was being a little fussy, but every time the organ played, he would calm right down.
I remember at Lake Patoka his yellow and maroon T-shirt & shorts. He would go out & ride bikes & eat popsicles.
I love Ford for so many reasons. He was my first sweet, beautiful nephew. He taught me about perserverance, strength, being yourself & not apologizing for it. 
Most of all, I am greatful to Ford for preparing me for one of my most prized posessions, my sweet son Garrett. Ford was an example of taking what others viewed as a disability & showing how it could be a strength & enhancement. I love him for that example!
I hope you know that I have so much to say but not the words. 
Love
Christine

Poop Smearing and Coprophagia

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for resources out there to help deal with the not-so-pretty part of autism:  Poop Smearing.  This is something I might have been embarrassed to mention, let alone blog about, but the fact is it is a reality, and I am not the only one out there that gets the fun of dealing with this.
I remember the first time I discovered a child of mine in the bedroom covered in poop, the walls covered in poop, the dresser covered in poop.  Let's just say that was definitely not the last time that happened either.  I was HORRIFIED, and I thought my child was the only child in the world to do this.  My day would be ruined, and I would cry as I spent an eternity getting the poop out of the room and the smell out of my house.  Fast forward a few years to when I discovered another child of mine who touched their bottom when they were pooping.  I would walk in and see poop next to their mouth.  I was, again, utterly grossed out, horrified, etc.  Once again, I thought that my child was the only child in the world to engage in this repulsive behavior.  (On a side note, my sister made a good point not to say, "Don't touch your poop/butt" to an echolalic child because if they start repeating that one, they are definitely going to get made fun of.  Instead, just use the prompt, "Hands up!")
This morning, I have been scouring the internet trying to find resources out there addressing this topic.  In my search, I learned that these behaviors are common in lower-functioning autism.  I also read on the Journal of Neuropsychiatry website (http://neuro.psychiatryonline.org/article.aspx?articleid=104346) that Temple Grandin engaged in fecal smearing when she was a child, and Mozart ingested his own poop.  So some pretty awesome people did the same thing that my kids have done...somehow that makes me feel just a little better.  Is that because misery loves company?  ;)
I am grateful for the social story I found called, Don't Smear the Poop.  This social story is for sale for $12.50 which is a good price compared to a lot of other autism resources out there.

However, I needed a temporary solution for now, as this is a problem that I don't have time to wait on shipping to address.  I also drew my own little images, opened a word document and inserted images from google images search and from their clip art to make my own social story/visual strips for the bathrooms in our house.  If anyone wants to use these for their own personal use,  I am totally fine with that.  All you would do is left click on the image, save it, then print it.

First, I have a nice big printable to remind the child, "Hands Up!"

Next is the printable of what they really should be doing if they are in the bathroom.

Last is the strip showing what they shouldn't be doing.  

***(1/16/2017) -One of the readers of this blog gave me an awesome resource that I now would recommend even more.   In fact, it's almost exactly four years later, and I'm printing off the social story she referred me to, to use for the same child.  Yes, in my experience, some bad habits are hard to break or return when the child is experiencing change or other stressors.  Darn it.  Anyway, the link to the "Don't Play With Your Pooh" social story can be found here:  
http://able2learn.com/products/dont-play-with-poop-social-story-basic-living-skills-8-pages.html

Also, I made a youtube video reading the social story because I know my kids will destroy the book.  It can be found here (with a few additions to fit our situation).

Advice?

Today as an autism mom, I'm grateful for any autism parent who can leave me a comment with some advice.  I was wondering if I could get any suggestions as to handling a daughter who is self injurious.  My daughter hits her face and head a lot.  She has always slapped herself in the face when she was frustrated, but it was more of a one-time thing and then she would move on.  Now, it is very hard to redirect her.  She is basically beating herself up.   I'm sure a lot of this is due to her communication defects and frustrations.  She will punch herself too.  As a result, right now she has a split lip and bruises all over her face.  It is very distressing for me.  Redirecting her and making her give us high-fives instead works sometimes, but I'm at a loss.  She has a psych appointment next week to explore medication intervention, and a regular doctor's office this week to see if there are any physical reasons for her distress.  I would appreciate any feedback I can get.  Thank you!

Challenge Accepted

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for little motivators to help me have a better attitude.  I have been rather negative lately, and I have let things get to me that I didn't need to.  So, I used some of my old magazine scraps and made myself a motivating sign:

January 9, 2013

To Our Wonderful Benefactors at FOCUS of San Diego:

We just wanted to take this opportunity and give you such thanks for the swing set you provided for our family.  If you didn’t already know, all three of our children have moderate-to-severe autism.  Garrett is 9 years old, Caiti is 7 and Jason is 4.  We previously had a swing set that was handed down to us from neighbors, and it was amazing to see how calming it was for them to be able to swing.  When that swing set gave out, we were so disappointed not to have that sensory input for our children.  They seemed lost and didn’t know what to do to calm their bodies in a healthy way.

My daughter Caiti has been tantrumming and injuring herself this entire Christmas break because she has a hard time with change and not knowing what is coming next.  It has affected our entire family to see her that unhappy.  She was going crazy being cooped in our house and was seeking the sensory input in unhealthy ways, like when she was hitting herself.  It was very distressing for us, as her parents to see her do this and not know how to stop her.

  This all changed because of the blessing you sent our way.  You should have seen her face when she saw the swing set.  It instantly brightened into a giant smile.  She is someone who doesn’t like the feeling of clothes on her skin, and it is very hard to keep her clothed when she is at home.  We have shown her that the only way she can use the swing set is to have her clothes on.  It is amazing how much less we are seeing of her birthday suit now.  She is so happy and is much calmer now that she is getting that sensory  input in a happier, healthier manner.

Our son Garrett swings super high on the swings.  He gets this huge grin when he’s up so high.   He and Jason, our youngest, love to swing at the same time.  It is interesting to see this interaction because my kids don’t normally play together.  They don’t understand social interactions/play, and it is easier to be by themselves.  It is cute to see them together on the swings, both so happy.

I loved the first day we had the swings out, and Jason would not get off of them.  He kept a tight grip.  It was neat to see him figure out the leg motions to continue swinging.  He didn’t have that skill down before.  I was a proud mama.

As a mommy of these cute kids, it has been an amazing help and stress reliever to have this swing set that we normally wouldn’t have been able to afford.  It brings me great joy to know that my kids are getting the sensory input they crave in a healthy way.  They are all in such great moods now too.  That is definitely needed after the first couple weeks of our Christmas break.

Thank you so much for your generosity.  It is very appreciated, and we will get SOOOOO much use out of that swingset.  I hope you know that it is such a blessing for our family, and we are beyond grateful that you were willing to help us in this very wonderful way.

Love the Roach Family

**** Addendum: We couldn't have enjoyed our swingset without the awesome missionaries who took LOTS of time out of their week to help get the swingset set up.  We are very grateful for their help too!

Garrett

As an autism mommy, I'm grateful for my firstborn, and the person who first immersed me into this crazy world of autism, my son Garrett.  Today is his birthday, and he is 9 years old.  What can I say to describe this cutie pie that brings such joy to my life.  Garrett gives everyone unconditional love.  He can be sneaky when he wants to get out of the house or when he wants a yummy treat, but he doesn't have a mean bone in his body.  He has the best smile ever.  He likes tickles and is really good at saying, "Tickle me!"  He loves to have his own kind of conversations where you fill in the blanks with whatever he thinks should come next.  One of them is to name his favorite movies in a certain order.  He also heard me singing "She's My Kind of Rain," by Tim McGraw one day, and he started laughing and said, "She's my kind of blue."  So I figured out he thought I said, "She's my kind of green."  Ever since then, that is a game where we say, "She's my kind of ____" and fill in the blank with a color.  When Garrett was a baby, and he would be sitting in his high chair waiting for mommy to feed him baby food, I would say the name of the baby food in a silly voice.  His favorite was "Vegetable Beef."  Ever since then, his grandpa says that to him whenever he talks to him, and Garrett laughs and laughs.  

Garrett loves to go swimming.  He says, "I want swimming please."  He is so cute in the water.  He thinks he's much smaller than his 100-lb frame and wants us all to throw him in the water or help him do flips.  

Garrett's sense of rhythm is amazing.  He has a talent of tapping one beat with one hand, and then tapping a totally different, but complimentary beat with the other hand at the same time.  I have tried to copy it before, and there's no way i could do that.

Garrett loves to watch his shows.  He's obsessed with Diego right now, and he can even communicate which one by telling me which animal.  His favorite right now is the Underwater Mystery episode.  He comes and tells me, "Watch Mystery Fish?"  Grandma and Grandpa were even lucky enough to hear him sing it to them today when they called to wish him happy birthday.  

I thought I would share this poem I wrote about my Garrett when I was just finding out he had autism, about 6 years ago:

To Garrett:

When you were born, you had no clothes,

But you had pretty eyes and a cute little nose.

Your feet were quite big, and you looked like your dad. 

You were the best present that I ever had.

A gift from Heaven, sent from God,

I looked at you and held you and was completely awed.

You were so sweet, smiley and fun.  

I loved watching you as around the couch you would run

Over and over; you never got tired.

That energy was something everyone admired.

You started having trouble doing every-day things.

You had to be helped when swinging on the swings.

It took you longer than others to climb up the slide,

But you did it one step at a time, and I cried.

They say you're not normal; you've got a different brain.

That was hard to take, knowing you're not the same

As I thought you were, but you're still my little star.

You say your ABC's and you count really far.

They say kids like you don't show love the same way, 

But you let me hold you and kiss you each day.

And even if you think you use your hand for a kiss,

That is one kind of kiss that I would never miss.

You are amazing, so happy and sweet.

You still have the cute nose and the big feet.

And even if some kids' abilities surpass, 

You still are taller than everyone in your class.

And you are an example of what truly is love.

You are the unexpected blessing I received from above.

I watch your example of overcoming trials and strife, 

And I thank God for blessing me with you in my life.

A gift from Heaven, sent from God.

I look at you and hold you and am completely awed.

Sarcastic Family Christmas Letter - 2012 Edition

Merry Christmas Everyone:

This year Garrett continued his various adventures.  I think he has learned from Dora that you can explore without your parents. One day we couldn't find him for an hour and a half, and the police helicopter, two squad cars and neighborhood patrol helped us find him.  He thought it was so fun to hang out with the cool officers.  However, On a good note, it wasn't because he undid the safety latch on the front door.  He has decided the safety latch is supposed to be shut, so he locks it himself cause he's a giant 8 year old and can reach the top of the door.  That's really fun if you are just going to the car or checking the mail.  He used his amazing observation skills to figure out that if you push a button on the garage wall, the garage door will come up.  This is how he got out the couple times it happened.  He was so good at getting mommy and daddy to disable the garage door opener.  He is doing much better on potty training.  Still working on the wiping part though.  Hoping that next year's letter will include a happy post about toilet paper.

 Caiti also learned from Dora, and went on her own adventure this year.  However, Dora wears shorts, a shirt and a backpack, and Caiti was wearing her favorite birthday suit.  Mommy only had a small panick attack when that happened.Caiti still is very comfortable in her own skin, and her birthday suit is STILL her favorite outfit.  Her aunt Michelle has done a great job getting her to wear clothes sometimes.  She gives her fun rides and spins her if she is wearing her clothes.  Hopefully, she will do this without the rides soon enough because she's over 60 lbs, and we want Aunt Michelle to continue having a healthy back.  Caiti has made many fun new friends with her toys.  We are learning not to give her battery-operated toys cause they no longer work if they have bath parties with Caiti.

Jason decided that he is going to be more independent this year.  His teacher informed me that his tantrums, noncompliance, etc., are all a good thing because that means he is progressing developmentally.  He has figured out how to climb on the counters to get what we thought was out of his reach on top of the fridge.  My friend also figured out that Andy Sandberg developed his "I throw it on the ground" SNL skit using Jason as his inspiration because Jason's really good at clearing a counter, a plate, a table, etc.  I think he likes empty spaces...except for the ground.
All in all, we're progressing in our own little ways.  Merry Christmas to all!
Love the Roaches

I Won't Let Go

So in an earlier post, I mentioned that I find emotional healing a lot of times through music.  In particular, I talked about the song, "I Won't Let Go," by Rascal Flatts.  Today, I'm yet again grateful for that song.
It's Christmas break here.  The kids are in year-round school, so their Christmas break is a month long.  It's time for survival mode.  Kevin is currently in the middle of three-day duty station, which means that he has to stay overnight every three days on the ship.  My kids are not doing well.  Part of autism is having a routine, and when they get a break from school, they get bored, they don't know what to expect, etc.  They regress. I'm especially having problems with Caiti.  She has been getting upset so often.  She has been engaging in some self-injurious behaviors, and unfortunately, she has also started hurting other people.  I finally gave in and called my psychiatrist to set up an appointment for her...which will be after she is back in school.  It's going to be interesting, if he does decide to put her on meds, how we will get them inside of her.  She's not very cooperative in that category.  Perhaps the most frustrating part of autism is their communication difficulties.  It is hard to know what is bothering them, if they are in pain, etc.  Thus, it is hard to know how to address the behaviors that happen as a result of their inability to get their needs met in the way they want them too.
I woke up this morning dreading my day.  I had the feeling of fear in my gut that it would be yet another hard day where I wouldn't know how to keep my kids happy.  I decided to read some of my earlier blog posts, and I came upon the one about emotional healing through music.  I listened, yet again, to the Rascal Flatts song, "I Won't Let Go."  The words reminded me that my children can't always fight their own fights, and I'm there to "Fight (their) fight...hold (them) tight.  And i won't let go."
I decided I needed that reminder up where I could see it when I'm discouraged.  I spent the morning making this to hang on my wall.

Sweet Babies

As an autism mommy, I'm grateful for my beautiful kids who somehow can tell when I'm feeling sad or down.    I know that empathy and emotions/social skills are hard for these kids, but they do get it.  I know this because if I'm having a sad day, they are better behaved, climb up in my lap and give me snuggles, lean into me while we sit on the couch.  They intuitively know what I need at that time.  Their sweetness is like a band-aid to my wounded heart.

Just Keep Swimming

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for the movie, "Finding Nemo."  Not only do I love it because my kids just recently discovered it and it takes their attention for a couple hours, but I found the Disney character I most relate with.  Her name is Dory!  Just like Dory, I forget what I'm doing every two seconds.  I might start claiming I have short-term memory loss, just to justify my forgetfulness.  Or maybe Dory also has ADD...which is very possible.  Just as Dory made unlikely friends with the Sharks, the whales, etc., I have found friends that I would never have gotten to know without the unforseen situations of being a military wife and being an autism mom.  I can learn from Nemo's daddy and Dory, when they found themselves in the scary situation of being in the midst of a bunch of jelly fish.  They turned that situation into a fun game which got them through.  That is something I can appreciate, making the best out of hard times, focusing on the positive.  Most of all, I'm grateful for the little nugget of wisdom and one of the best pieces of advice out there; Dory's famous line, "Just keep swimming!"

Addendum:  I don't know how I missed this lesson earlier.  Might be the most important one.  Nemo is a cute little special needs fish.  He only has one fin.  Because of this, his daddy holds him back in so many ways.  He thinks he is protecting him.  When they are separated, Nemo learns so many things that he can do because the fish in the tank believe in him.  Sometimes, as a parent, I set my expectations too low because of my childrens' disability, but I'm grateful for those tutors, friends, loved ones in their lives that help them exceed those expectations and succeed.  

Weathering the Storm

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for the example of my sister Amy, who is also an autism mom.  She was my inspiration about a year ago, when I was asked to speak in our sacrament meeting at church.  I was able to choose my own topic.  I chose "Weathering the Storm" because I feel like that is something everyone deals with in this life.  I have been thinking again so much about this topic, and I feel like it would be a good time to share the thoughts that I had when I was writing this talk.   

In the New Testament, Mark 4:36-41, we can read about when Jesus and his disciples were resting on their boat.  A tempestuous storm came, and the disciples were afraid.  Jesus was getting some much-needed rest, and the disciples felt that they needed to wake him up.  Jesus was able to calm the storm.  We can relate this to our own lives.  Sometimes we have storms/challenges that we are afraid of and do not know how to handle.  We can seek out Christ in our lives, and he will calm that storm and help us through it.

Jesus Calms the Storm Whilst Crossing a Lake With the Disciples  - By William Brassey Hole

A very amazing example to me of weathering the storm is my sister, Amy.  She found herself in the midst of what, in my opinion, could be the worst storm a person could encounter.  On a winter night five years ago, she went to check on her kids at bedtime and found her oldest son had passed away unexpectedly.  Such a sad, and horrible experience for anyone.  On her way to the hospital, she turned to God and her brother Jesus Christ for comfort.  They put the words to a song by Janice Kapp Perry, "The Test" in her mind, to help her understand a little bit of why her son had been taken away from her.  I will always remember her amazing example of looking at the bigger picture and trusting God, even when it was so hard.  She could have turned away from God, as so many people do.  She could have blamed God, as so many people do.  Instead she sought out her Heavenly Father to guide her by the hand and help her get through her grief.  This is still something she deals with, but she is able to be the mother/wife/individual she still needs to be because of her faith.  She is my hero.

I can relate in a small way to her grieving.  Something some people don't realize is that parents of children with special needs have to go through their own grieving process.  We end up grieving for the child we thought we would have.  We grieve for the "normal experiences" that our children won't have and for the "white picket fence" life that we all think we will have when we grow up.  In a way, most people do have to grieve for the parts of life they expected that do not happen.
I had to take my sadness and give it to God.  I had to trust that God would help me to know how to be a mother to children that I was constantly learning new things about and trying to understand why they were the way they were.  I had to turn to God when I was feeling judged and remember that God is my father and sees the intentions of my heart.  I had to remember that Jesus Christ suffered all sorrow, sin, pain.  Therefore, he understands me perfectly.
One of my favorite scriptures to turn to in the midst of a storm is in the Book of Mormon: 2 Nephi 4:20"My God hath been my ^asupport; he hath led me through mine^bafflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep."
Sometimes when we encounter a storm, we may not weather it in a healthy manner.  We may forget that God is there for us and can help us to get through it if we turn to him.  Don't let mistakes you have made ruin the present.  There is a great quote that I have as a motto: "Don't regret the past.  Learn from it."  How much better would we all do if we didn't hang onto the problems in the past?  How much better would we do if we could use them as a lesson?
Another way to weather the storm is not to compare ourselves with other people in our lives.  Everyone has their own storms to weather, and everyone has to endure them in a different way.  As Oscar Wilde said, "Every Saint has a past, and every sinner has a future."When I think about the trials that I have, and the hard times that resulted, it's great to have the hindsight to see that some of the "mistakes" our family made actually led us directly to the paths that we needed to be on to be happier.  Because of problems that seemed so large and that we felt would never end, we were forced to do things in a different way than we had planned.  This led us to where we are now.  My husband joined the Navy, and they stationed us in San Diego.  This is where we are able to receive great benefits for our children that we wouldn't have had otherwise.  God sees the big picture when we aren't able to.
I am not an alcoholic, but I definitely have my struggles that I work daily to overcome.  So, there are a couple of principles from Alcoholics Anonymous that I can apply to my life.  They are "One Day at a Time" and the Serenity Prayer.  When I am having a bad day and feeling overwhelmed, telling myself, "One Day at a Time..." is a good way to get through the day and realize that this day will be over soon and it will be a new day tomorrow.
I love the Serenity Prayer.  I have applied it to so many things.  I remember when Garrett was first diagnosed with autism.  All these crazy rumors were spreading about different ways to "cure" your child of autism.  My husband and I were both kind of in a denial about his autism, and we were also trying all these "cures," thinking they would help.  It took the Serenity Prayer to help me accept my baby just how he was and instead focus on making his life better instead of trying to change him.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (my children's diagnosis of autism),Courage to change the things I can (my attitude),and the Wisdom to know the difference.  (The only thing I can change in the world is myself).
Our trials shape us.  We become wiser and stronger.  We learn empathy for others and are able to keep the covenants (also found in the book of Mormon: Mosiah 18:8-9): " ... and now, as ye are^adesirous to come into the ^bfold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are ^awilling to mourn with those that ^bmourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort..."
In closing, there are a couple of quotes that I have adopted as my own little mantras and have really helped me when I'm trying to weather the storm.  "No misfortune is so bad that whining about it won't make it worse." (Jeffrey Holland).  Yes, I have this one hanging in my home, and I should hang it in every room to remind myself...  ;)
The second quote is by a very wise woman who shares my birthday, Marjorie Pay Hinckley,  "The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it.  You either have to laugh or cry.  I prefer to laugh.  Crying gives me a headache."