Kim Stagliano's post: "The Crappy Life of an Autism Mom"

Kim Stagliano is another autism mother who has three children with autism.  I read her book, "All That I Can Handle: I'm No Mother Theresa," and reveled in it because she was so honest about everything.  She didn't make apologies for telling the truth about the struggles raising children with autism, but you could also sense her deep and intense love for her kids.  Anyway, since my last post was about potty issues, I felt like sharing her article, "The Crappy Life of the Autism Mom," published in the Huffington Post, because it's just so appropriate.  So many of us dealing with autism and potty training can relate.

Kim Stagliano

Author, 'All I Can Handle: I'm No Mother Teresa'

The Crappy Life of the Autism Mom

Posted: 01/03/07 05:05 PM ET

Well, that title should set off alarm bells in the Neurodiverse (ND) autism world.

Autism is like a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans (from the Harry Potter books.) Some autistics got the raspberry cream or root beer flavor. They can speak eloquently, write blogs, move out on their own, marry, have children and manage their autistic traits. Others with autism, like my three girls, got the ear wax/vomit/dog poop flavor. They need help 24/7 to navigate the world. When I talk about autism, I mean the version that my three girls got. I'm not talking about the sort of autism that encompasses quirky kids with some social deficits who are otherwise brilliant.

The ND community tells me and tens of thousands of other parents that we are disrespecting our kids by trying to help them. The ND blogs berate us as wanting to change our kids because we don't accept them. Here's a "taste" of what autism looks like in the Stagliano household. Would you want something better for your kids?

Twice last month, we had a "crapisode." What is a crapisode? (This is where you might want to stop eating and put down your beverage.) My 10 year old (#2, appropriately for the purposes of this entry) pooped in the toilet. That is reason to cheer, believe me. Toilet training is a major issue in my section of the autism community. Our kids can wear diapers into their teens and beyond. So Miss G pooped. Hooray! But Miss G forgets to flush. And she rarely closes the lid. Not hooray.

Miss Peanut, my 6 year old, seems to believe that being a Virgo means she simply MUST swim in any puddle larger than spit. The toilet is like an Olympic sized pool to her. So Peanut goes into the toilet after Miss G has had her, ah, success. Peanut flings kaka everywhere and gets it all over herself, the floor, the walls, the tub, the baseboards and the window. Wes Craven could not film anything scarier than what I saw that school morning, 35 minutes before the bus was due to arrive. That's a "crapisode." It happens in the blink of an eye while I'm washing dishes or doing laundry. I'm alerted by a splashing sound that drops a brick into my stomach. Miss G doesn't understand to flush and close the lid. Miss Peanut doesn't realize that a face full of feces is rarely considered a way to amuse oneself outside of the fetish community.

I will never stop trying to help my girls recover from their autism. I can not tell you what recovery means. It varies by kid and according to God's grace. If recovery means only that Peanut understands she should sit on the toilet, not play in the toilet, I'll take it.

Recovering your kids doesn't mean denying their value as people. To the contrary, it means we are willing to devote our lives, our savings, our sanity to their improved health, development and well being.

Maybe we need an expanded vocabulary. The ND's can keep the word autism and my kids get a new label. Fine by me. Just don't tell me to give up on my girls and accept their version of autism (remember the Bertie Bott's beans) as simply a different type of personality. Because THAT'S a load of crap.

Potty

So, after spending 30 minutes hosing (or showering...whichever way you want to look at it) off my daughter and cleaning up a bunch of crap (literally) underneath our swing set, I'm just going to have to say that I'm grateful for the times that my kids are successful in the potty area.  That way I won't scream, or throw myself a pity party...or vomit cause some aspects of life are just pretty disgusting here at my house.
I am grateful for the many resources out there for potty training.  An example of one resource I really like is the social story that I got the above picture from.  I know it's a faux pas to put pics of kids pooping or peeing on the internet, so it's hard to explain to a kid who is visual and not good with language where their poop goes.  I found that social story at http://sam26847.tripod.com/id23.html, and it's my favorite one out there.

I was all proud of myself when I thought up a game for Caiti where I had three pictures:  One of the potty, one underneath the swings, and one in her bedroom.  It was called "Where Do I Go Potty?" I attached little velcro pieces to the different places and then cut out a pic of poop and put velcro on the back.  The funny thing is...on paper, she totally knows poop goes in the potty.  She got it right every time she tried. It is just getting her to do it in real life that is the hard part.
I just got a pretty good ap on the iPad, it's also on the android, called See Me Go Potty.  Here's a link for the information.  http://www.avakid.com/products.html

It's a great potty training ap.   Anyway, I like that it has an Avatar that you can make look like your kid, and that it shows an animated version of an accident or of going to the potty along with a nice little script that I expect Garrett will memorize and repeat spontaneously.  It would make me really happy if he memorized the words and then actually did what he was saying..."I walk, walk, walk to the potty." Then I wouldn't have to have the responsibility of taking my kids potty on a schedule.
So, to repeat my first sentence...I'm grateful for the times they go in the toilet, and not in their pants or on the ground.  I like the days when I don't feel like I live in a giant toilet.  Here's to hoping things will progress.  As always...patience is the key...right?

First-Then

As an autism mom, and I'm sure so many autism parents can relate, I'm thankful for "First, Then" statements.  It is pretty cool that I can use these statements to help my kids understand that eventually they will get what they want or that they don't have to be stuck doing something they don't want to do.  I've used it as a motivator to get them to do their chores, to go potty. Every morning I get Garrett gets motivated for school by stating, "First school, then daddy."

Speaking of daddy, I had the CUTEST, SWEETEST little experience yesterday with Jason where I used a "first-then" statement.  Yesterday was President's Day, so all the kids and Kevin were home.  We had a pretty good day.  Jason was Kevin's shadow all day, and I think Kevin loved it.  He totally wore Kevin out though, asking for rides, etc., all day.  So, in order to give Kevin a break I had Jason come take a nap with me.  He was so upset, crying for several minutes, and I didn't know how to calm him down and get him to go to sleep.  Then I heard him say, "Dee dee."  I knew he wanted to be with his daddy, so I said, "First Nigh Night, then daddy."  He sort of stopped mid cry, and looked at me with his big, teary eyes, and repeated, "Dee dee?"  So I just kept telling him "First Nigh Night, then daddy," and he calmed right down and was asleep in a matter of seconds.  It was so sweet to get him to understand that he could still see his buddy if he took his nap first.  :)

Mod Podge

As an autism mom, I'm thankful for Mod-Podge (a.k.a. decoupage), and here is why:  As a part of Caiti's therapy, she is supposed to get herself dressed in the morning before school.  She has a picture schedule to follow, and at times, we have velcroed pics of different items of clothing on the drawers to help her know what is in them.  This doesn't work too well at my house though because Jason thinks it is way too fun to take the pics off of the velcro and put them somewhere else.  I figured out that I could redo my daughter's dresser in a more functional way that didn't involve little pictures and velcro, just using some fun paper and some Mod Podge.

Mod Podge Dresser Tutorial:

Supplies you will need:

Of course you will need a dresser.  You will also need Mod Podge (or you can make homemade Mod Podge by mixing equal parts Elmer's glue and water), Mod Podge Sealant spray (if you so desire), Scrapbooking Paper, Alpha Punchouts (if you are lazy or have bad handwriting like me...they come in the scrapbooking section and have various fonts of letters you can just punch out and glue on to your projects), scissors, a pen or pencil, a screw driver and whatever embellishments you choose to use.

Step 1:

Remove drawer from dresser.  Using a screwdriver, unscrew the drawer handle and place the handle and screws aside for later.

Step 2:

Measure out the part of the drawer you want to cover.  I used two scrapbook papers per drawer.  Cut the paper to size, spread Mod Podge on the drawer front and carefully place the paper on top of the Mod Podge, making sure to smooth out any bubbling (one website suggested using a credit card edge to smooth out the bubbling).  Once the paper is in place, take the handle screws and carefully poke them through their holes from the inside.  This should leave a small imprint where the holes should be. Then take the screws and forced them through the paper on the outside where the imprints were left to make the holes for the handle.
Step 3:

I decided to add some embellishments to my drawer handles.  I bought felt buttons in different colors and shapes.  They already had holes in the middle, but if they hadn't, I would have just folded them in half, and cut two slits (like an X) and placed them on the drawer handle (as shown above).  I then reattached the handle to the drawer, using the screw driver.

Step 4:

Using a pen, draw a picture of what you want to go into the drawer you are working on.  Cut the picture out, and either cut out letters or use punch-out letters to spell out what will be in the drawer.

Step 5:

Add another layer of Mod Podge, so that the drawer surface will be sticky.  Then place the cutout letters and drawing where you want them to go on the drawer.  Afterward, apply a couple more coatings of the Mod Podge, being especially generous over the letters and the picture.  Don't worry about the white color of the Mod Podge.  It won't look like that when you are done.

Step 6:

Allow the drawers to dry.   You will know they are dry when the Mod Podge is clear.  Once they are dry, follow the directions on the sealant can.  Spray the drawers and allow them to dry before returning them to the dresser.

Finished Product:

here are my sons' dressers.  Can't decide which I like best, but I'm happy with the results.  :)

Ikea

As an autism mom, I'm thankful for Ikea.  I'm not just thankful for all their awesome but affordable products...the main reason I'm thankful is that my favorite home movie was captured at Ikea.  My sister and my friend (who is also the kids' tutor) took my daughter to Ikea on an outing.   They do outings sometimes to help them learn to act appropriately in their natural environment.  Needless to say, Ikea was a little much for my daughter with her sensory issues.  Here is what finally calmed her down.  :)

Weighted Blanket

As an autism mom, I'm SO thankful for my sister, Nicole, who has my family for Christmas this year.  Earlier she had asked me what I would want for my kids.  I told her, "If you were really rich, I would say weighted blankets!"  She then made it happen for me.  She found online tutorials for weighted blankets, and spent hours and hours thinking through how to make the best blankets for my kids and sewing each individual quilting pillow and weighing them to make sure the weight would be distributed evenly.   She was so thoughtful about the little details.  For example, my youngest, Jason is very into biting and chewing everything.  So, to prevent him from ruining his blanket, she added ribbons on the ends for him to chew on, like some baby blankets have.  We just got Jason's in the mail (such a wonderful early Christmas present!), and we are so excited to get the rest of them.  I am so grateful for the time, money and thought that she put into these.  I know this will help so much with their sleeping issues...which will then help with my sleeping issues...which will then help me be a nicer, cheerier mommy.  :)

Pinterest

As an autism mom, I'm blessed/cursed to have discovered pinterest.  But I'm grateful for it.  It helps me find lots of good ideas for my kids, their diet, activities...etc.  (My board for GF/CF foods is http://pinterest.com/roach_family/gluten-free-casein-free/
and my board for autism is http://pinterest.com/roach_family/autism/). 
The main reason I actually like it is that it has helped my creative juices to start flowing (although I kind of hate that expression...it makes me think of someone drooling or something).  I've gotten out of my own uncreative rut and decided to try out some of the crafts and ideas on there, and that is something that makes my day a little brighter.  :)  Here are the things that I have actually gotten done on my pinterest boards: http://pinterest.com/roach_family/stuff-i-actually-did-from-pinterest/  Who knew I could be semi-crafty/homemakerly (if that is even a word).



Swimming Pools

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for swimming pools.  My kids are so obsessed with the water.  I find Caiti constantly turning on the sink in the bathroom or the kitchen or trying to climb into the washing machine.  I have found Jason sitting with his feet inside the toilet all too many times...sigh.  So, yes, I'm grateful for a body of water that isn't gross to get wet in and won't flood my floors.  :)  Of course, I have to include the life jackets in my gratitude list.  My kids had adapted swim lessons last year, but as with all things, that takes time for them to catch on.  Their life jackets help them feel independent and help me to know they are safe while in their heavenly pool.

Extended Family

As an autism mom, I am thankful for my amazing extended family who loves my kids unconditionally and are there for me when I need to laugh or cry.  :)  They are the best.  Such a blessing in my life and the lives of my kids!!!!

Larraine McCrea (a.k.a the gluten gal)

As an autism mom, I am thankful for my Aunt, Larraine McCrea (who makes me call her Ant instead of Aunt cause she's contrary).  She has been such a support to me my whole life.  As an autism mom, she has been the most important resource when it came to trying the gluten-free/caseine-free diet. 
Ant was diagnosed with celiac disease after being sick and misdiagnosed for many years.  As a way of coping with this diagnosis and helping others with celiac disease, she started her blog: http://www.theglutengal.com/.   She is very creative and an excellent cook and has so many awesome gluten free recipes on her website.  She has given me so many ideas for how to eat gluten free without having to go to go to some expensive health store, buy obscure products or learn fancy ways to cook things.  It was so refreshing to learn how to eat this way from someone that would make regular meals.  :)  Once I started the diet with my kids, Ant started adding caseine-free options to her gluten-free recipes, and now the majority of her website is both gluten and caseine free.  Sometimes I even contribute...like the GF/CF candy list in October.
This diet isn't for everyone with autism.  Some kids don't see a difference at all.  But for my kids, it helps them to sleep through the night, stim a lot less, give better eye contact and not be so much in their own heads.  Just the sleeping part, alone, makes this diet worth it for me.  Thanks Ant for helping me figure it all out.

Other Blogs By Autism Moms

As an autism mom, I'm greatful for those other blogs out there by autism moms.  This blog post is probably my favorite of all.  Love it!!!  It is from http://www.starkravingmadmommy.com/2011/04/top-ten-things-you-should-and-shouldnt.html and I just had to copy and paste it on my blog because it's great.

Top Ten Things You Should (and Shouldn't) Say to The Parent of an Autistic Child

If you're the parent or caregiver of a child on the autism spectrum, Autism Awareness Month is not for you.  You are already aware of autism.  Like, really, really aware.  Aware that you need another cup of coffee, a Xanax, and possibly an advanced degree in Education Law.

Autism Awareness Month is for everyone else.  To help out, here's my Top Ten Things You Should (and Shouldn't) Say to The Parent of an Autistic Child.

10. DON'T SAY: "Wow, your son is great at math.  He's just like Rain Man."

      DO SAY:  "Wow, your son is great at math."


9. DON'T SAY: "He should probably be in a special class, so other kids won't make fun of him."

   DO SAY:  "We should probably be teaching our children more empathy."


8. DON'T SAY:  "You should try giving your kid more discipline."

    DO SAY: "You should try these brownies I made for you."


7. DON'T SAY: "Wow, your kids all seem to have a lot of problems.  Have you ever heard of Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome?"

    DO SAY: "Wow, you're really on top of things for your kids.  It must be hard, but it seems like you're doing a great job."


6. DON'T SAY:  "You should change your child to an astronomically expensive, all-organic, gluten-free, casein-free diet of locally-grown organic broccoli and imported, cruelty-free snake oil capsules."

    DO SAY:  "Please sit down and rest while I make you some bacon-topped meatloaf and pour you a glass of wine."


5.  DON'T SAY: "I think autism is over-diagnosed these days. They're handing that label out like Mardi Gras beads."

    DO SAY: "I am alarmed by studies that show that autism spectrum disorders are actually under-diagnosed in girls and minorities.  Excuse me while I e-mail my legislator about my desire that he or she increase the fundng for autism research and education."


4. DON'T SAY: "Isn't he getting a little big for diapers?"

    DO SAY: "Here, I picked up this case of diapers and some extra Febreze for you while I was at the store."


3.  DON'T SAY: "I wish my kid was getting free extra help in school like that."

     DO SAY: "I wish I had remembered to mention to my legislator my desire that he or she stop slashing the budget for special education services like they're freaking Zorro or something.  Excuse me while I go send another email."


2.  DON'T SAY: "You look exhausted."

    DO SAY: "How about if I play Lego Star Wars with your kids for the next four hours while you take a nap?"


1.  DON'T SAY: "He's fine / it's no big deal / he'll grow out of it / all kids are like that."

     DO SAY: "It's so great that you got the diagnosis, even though he's obviously awesomesauce exactly the way he is."

Queen Califia's Magical Circle

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for Queen Califia's Magical Circle.  It is a beautiful mosaic garden done by French artist, Niki De Saint Phalle.  It's located in Escondido, CA, in Kit Carson State Park.  The first time I took my children there, I dubbed it "Autism Heaven" because there were so many beautiful colors, textures, mirrors.  It was amazing.  When I need to find something to do with my kids, that is a free place to go where I know they will all be happy. 

Little Reminders

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for the little reminders to be happy that I have posted in my house.  :)  This particular saying is something I found in a Seagull Book in SLC, UT when I was there visiting my sister, and I found it absolutely perfect for my home.  It reminds me that I am blessed each and every day when I look at it.

Mirrors

As an autism mom, I am grateful for the hours of entertainment mirrors provide my kids...and me when I am watching them. :)

Mattress protectors

As an autism mom, and basically any mom, I'm grateful there are mattress protectors for my cute little bed wetters so my whole house doesn't smell like urine.  The best mattress protectors I have found are at Ikea.  They are really soft on the top and have that vinyl-type bottom to keep the wetness off the mattress.  The sides that go over the bed are made of a stretchy fabric, so they don't rip if your kids are...say...bed jumpers.
My sister, also known as the coolest person ever at our house, also got these great mattress covers like the ones you use at the hospital, for my kids since they are getting bigger and sometimes mattress protectors don't fully protect the mattress. 

www.amazon.com/Priva-Ultra-Waterproof-Sheet-Protector/dp/B000FOA7C2/ref=sr_1_2?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1326640937&sr=1-2

Grocery Delivery

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for grocery stores that do home grocery delivery.  When I don't have someone to watch my kids and have to go grocery shopping, the LAST thing I want to do is take them with me.  I discovered grocery delivery by accident.  One week I was short on food and payday was a few days away.  I asked my sister if she could wire me some  money to help me get groceries.  She looked online for me and found that Von's (a grocery chain in California) did home delivery for a $10 fee.  She was able to pay for the groceries from her home in the midwest, and then they delivered them to my home here in CA.  I was absolutely amazed that this option was available. 
I have used the home-delivery service with Vons (Safeway Foods) often since then.  It was a staple for us when my husband was deployed. 
This is a good website to find stores in your area that do home delivery:
http://singleparents.about.com/od/homelife/tp/grocery_deliver.htm

Healthy Coping Mechanisms

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for healthy coping mechanisms.  Sometimes you just have to grieve, to feel the sadness that your child/children didn't turn out to be who you expected.  You grieve for the child you thought they were going to be.  It's hard not to turn to unhealthy outlets for a release.  For me, the best way to cope is to write about it.  I have a mad journal where I can write anything I want and not feel bad about it.  I also write poems.  This poem was written at a time when I felt that my daughter had no connection with me.  I struggled so much with that sadness at the time...Luckily, my therapist told me to get into her world, to notice the things she loves and make myself a part of them.  Slowly but surely she realized that I wasn't just another fixture in the room, but someone fun that she could love.  :)

Help Me Know How To Reach You

My little baby. Beautiful Baby Caiti.

You brought me healing and sweetness and calm.

You were for my heart a miracle balm.

I remember how you would snuggle me close, let me hold you.

With a smile in your eyes, so beautiful and blue.

Your head on my chest and your curls framing your face.

You would always send me to a happy place.

Caiti it's been sad for me as you have grown older.

Yes, you still put your head on my shoulder.

Yes you still have that smile in your eyes

But it's different now, because you also cry.

You get so upset, I don't know what to do.

Caiti I wish I knew how to help you.

I want to be the mommy you need me to be.

I wish you had the language to communicate to me.

I wish I could get into your head,

and I could hear your thoughts as you place toys on your bed.

I could understand why they're all lined in a row

The thoughts in your head would be so great to know.

I think you know I love you, I adore my little girl.

I cherish your giggle as you run and you twirl.

Caiti, as your mommy, I want to know how

To love you the way that you need me to now.

I need to know just the way that I can reach you.

I need to know just the way that I can teach you.

Because Caiti I love you, I love you! I do!

Small Steps

As an autism mom, I'm thankful for the small steps my children make that would be nothing for other kids their ages but are little miracles in our lives: Calling me mommy for the first time, climbing the ladder to the slide, eating with utinsels, using the potty, saying "I love you."  There are so many small things that I rejoice in, and that I don't have the luxury of taking for granted.

Toilet plungers and Snakes

As an autism mom, I'm thankful for toilet plungers.  My daughter is going through a phase where she thinks the bathroom is some sort of fun water park for her toys.  She likes to place them in the sink and then fill it with water, their own make-shift pool.  Who knew plush toys floated?  She loves to put them in the toilet too.  Then she tries to flush them down.  What a fun water slide for the toys.  We learned the hard way not to give Caiti little figurines to play with anymore.  Those go down the "water slide" the best and then clog the pipes.  Toilet plungers are a blessing...and so are those snakes you have to spend big bucks on at the hardware store.  Although, from our experience neither works with the little figurines.  That's the big job of pulling the toilet out of the wall.  (Hooray for the maintenance men in our housing.)

School Pics

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for school pictures.  Now don't get me wrong, I am not one who actually is able to afford to purchase the picture package, but when they send the proofs for us to see, they send complimentary ID cards of the kids along with information as to what to do if they get lost.  I actually had to use Garrett's ID card a year ago when he decided to run off on us at the zoo.  I was so glad I had his picture on me...and that I had dressed him in a bright orange coat.  I was able to go to the zoo security and show his picture.  They put a dispatch out to all zoo workers, and we found him about 10 minutes later at a zoo gift shop.

No Need for an Alarm Clock

As an autism mom (I'm writing this at 4 a.m.) I'm grateful that I have no need for an alarm clock.  I can't remember the last time I slept past 6:30 since having kids. I remember when I had my babies and I would dream of the day that they would sleep all night and I'd get a straight 8 hours of sleep...and I still am dreaming of that day.

Intelligence

Today as an autism mom, I'm grateful that my kids show me how smart they are all the time.  I am ashamed to say that I underestimate them daily.  Today was the kids' Holiday party at school, and I had some mini cupcakes set aside for their party.  I don't go when their parties are morning parties because it messes up Garrett's whole day to see me leave school without him.  So, I decided to just send a treat.  I put the cupcakes in a plastic bag, tied the bag to my daughter's backpack, then placed her backpack outside so nobody would get into them.  I then spent the rest of the time waiting for the school bus and continually putting Caiti's socks and shoes back on.  When the bus came, I looked around for Garrett and found him in his bedroom with Caiti's backpack, frosting all over his face, and cupcake crumbs all over EVERYTHING.
I feel like sometimes my autism grattitude list doesn't show all sides of being an autism mom.  I have had to learn to cope with the hard stuff or the stuff that annoys me...I find something to learn from...or try to change my thinking to make it a positive experience.  So here's my attempt with this small example of the cupcakes: My total annoyance this morning was a result of my underestimating my son's intelligence.  He was smart enough to see me hide the cupcakes.  He was smart enough to go get them when I was otherwise occupied and wouldn't notice, and he was smart enough to hide in his room where he could enjoy those cupcakes in peace.  So I'll try and change my thinking and say it again:  I am grateful my kids are smart.

Autism-proof Christmas Decorations

As an autism-mom, I am grateful for shatter-proof ornaments, LED Christmas lights, our Little People Nativity set, plush Santas, Snowmen and reindeer.  I'm just grateful that celebrating Christmas can still be fun and pretty without worrying that all my beautiful decorations are going to break.  I love that my kids can touch the lights on the tree or try and bounce the ornament balls.  I love seeing how fun they think it all is.  :)

Patience

As an autism mom, I'm grateful I was able to develop patience.  I had an epiphany about this last year and posted it on my family blog.  Just thought I'd repost here:
Today in Sacrament meeting (church), the talks were about enduring to the end.  Sometimes, I feel like I'm enduring to the end...the end of the day when I can climb in my covers and go to sleep and just get a break from it all.  But then there are the moments that make up for being overwhelmed, etc.  The times when my babies help me see a little bit of the love Heavenly Father has for me through their beautiful spirits and the unconditional love they send my way...even when I'm ornery or in my own world.
Coincidentally, in Sunday School we learned about our roles as parents, and I was reminded of when Garrett was born and I was no longer just responsible for myself, but I had this beautiful child who was dependent on me for everything.  This was when I realized that I had a purpose in life.  This is when I realized that my life had meaning and that there was more to life than just progressing on my own.  My children are my textbook, and they help me to learn who I am and what I can become.
The Relief Society Lesson today was on Patience.  It's funny because I've had so many people tell me how patient I am, and the fact is that I just have to be.  I had to learn to be that way.  It was an evolution.  If I wanted to survive, then I needed to adapt.  And patience is the very definition of my life in so many ways.  I have to be patient and realize that my children learn things in a different way than I do or other children.  I have to be patient when they don't understand what I want from them or when they repeat the same mistake over and over.  I have to be patient and realize that potty training really doesn't happen in a day at my house, it happens in years...and I have to be patient that it really will happen some day.  I have to be patient when we start on different therapies, etc., and I want to see the results right away.  The truth is that they come, but they come in their own time and with hard work.  When they do come, the satisfaction is so much greater because it was so much harder to get there.  But the biggest thing I have to be patient in is getting to know my children and who they really are underneath the shell that is called autism.  I have to be patient and know that, if I live right, then one day I will be able to know my children in their perfect state, and that is what helps me through and gives me the patience to just keep going and enjoy the blessings that God bestowed on me in my amazing children.

Visual Supports

As an autism mom, I'm grateful for choice boards, picture schedules, picture cues, etc.  It's amazing how visual these kids are and sometimes the words just aren't enough (actually most of the time).  It is such a help to pair a picture with the words.  We use pictures in our choice boards, and then when they hand us the pics, we prompt them to say the words.  That is how Caiti, who is mostly nonverbal, learned the word "popsicle."  The choice board is also used often in their therapy:

We have an after-school picture schedule:
This was great, because this is how I got my kids to start doing chores with help.  Now they see the pictures of the chores and will do them with much less prompting.  The good thing is the schedule board has velcro on it and then the choices for chores, snacks and activities can be switched up depending on what we have to eat or what needs to be done that day.  These kinds of schedules are very helpful to our family.  We have one for a potty routine, bedtime routine, etc. 

As always, there are many expensive resources out there for these kinds of supports, but you can easily make your own.  My kids respond best to photographs of pictures rather than drawings.  Any pictures I use are from my own photo library or from Google Images.  I save them to my computer and insert them onto a word document, making sure to size the pictures appropriately.  Then I cut them out, laminate them (there are self laminating sheets for people without access to a laminator.  Staples, the fed-ex store, the UPS store and usually teacher supply stores will laminate your stuff for a small fee).  I buy self-adhesive velcro strips at any craft store or the sewing section of stores like Wal-Mart, and put velcro squares on the back of the choices.
Basically, for the actual board, you just use card stock and either write on it yourself or print out what you want to say and cut and paste.  Then you laminate the board.  For the choice board or the schedules that have choices, just add the velcro (which I cut into small squares) where you want their picture choices to go.  I have found that it works better for me to velcro the actual board to the wall than to use staples, tape or nails.  For some reason, my kids don't take them off the wall with the velcro.  Whatever works, right?  :)

Hindsight

As an autism mom, I'm thankful for the gift of hindsight.  It is amazing to look back at where I started and see how upset I was at first to find out about the diagnoses of each of my three children, how helpless I felt as far as how to parent them, and to see that now I'm in a much better place.  It is good to have hindsight to see that even though back then I had no hope, I have some hope now.   I have the ability to see the strengths that have developed in each of my kids, and when I'm feeling frustrated about how things are going, I have the hindsight to look back and see that things are so much better now.  Here's to hoping that they continue to get better.

Life Lessons

As an autism mom, I'm thankful for the many lessons my kids have unknowingly taught me about perserverence (and perseverance...just a little autism humor), taking things one step at a time, celebrating the little victories, patience, unconditional love, finding joy in the simple things, and most importantly, that although God's plan may be different than my own, he knows what will truly bless my life and those around me in the end.

Genuine

As an autism mom, I'm thankful for how genuine my children are.  What you see is what you get.  They are who they are.  I love it!

Mental Health Help

As an autism mom, today I'm thankful for my own individual therapy sessions and for psych drugs.  I have come to realize over the years that I have some issues with anxiety, depression and ADD, and I'm grateful for the skills I learn from my therapy sessions to cope with these issues. 
I'm also thankful for my psychiatrist who understands how to correctly manage these symptoms with medication.  I've always been a strong believer in taking care of your mental health.  It is not a weakness, but a strength to acknowledge that you may have mental illness.  It is strong to see something that is affecting your life and those around you and to take the steps to manage it.
I can't tell you how much I have learned from my therapy sessions: The most important of all was finding myself again after losing my identity in the overwhelming experience of just being an autism mom.  I learned that I need to take breaks throughout the day to do something for myself.  I need to shower every day, put on makeup, eat, exercise (not that I am so good at remembering to exercise, and I just may be too good at remembering to eat).  As they say, "You can't give anything from an empty well."  You are the well, and you need to replenish it by remembering what you used to enjoy doing, how you used to take care of yourself, before you had these wonderful but challenging kids.  Investing some time in yourself can only help those you love.

Church

As an autism mom, I'm thankful for my ward (church).  They have been there for me even when I wasn't in a very religious place and wasn't seeking their support.  I have made some great friends, and they have made every effort to help me feel comfortable and for my kids to feel accepted.
It is very important, to ask for help from your church and not just wait for them to approach you.  If church is too much for you with your children with autism, reach out to those around you.  Ask your church leaders if there is someone who can sit with your children during services.  Would someone be willing to take them on a walk or to play with them outside when they are acting up so that you can get that spiritually uplifting time you need to be replenished for the upcoming week?
I have done the church thing several different ways:  My first ward called someone special to be Garrett's teacher.  (That was when Caiti and Jason were too young to know they had autism).  It was nice to have him there every week, and Garrett loved him.  We also had a couple older ladies who didn't have children, who would save us a spot and help us out.

In my current ward, I don't have people from church who work on an individual basis with my kids, but everyone knows who my kids are and try to give them the same chances to participate in their classes, etc.  On our first Sunday, I went into their classes and explained to their classmates that my children had autism, that they might act a little different or not talk to them, but that doesn't mean that they don't want to be their friend.  I asked the kids to help them out. The classmates have been very cute, and look out for my kids.  I have used our respite providers to sit with my kids at church so that I can pay attention; I also have left my kids at home with the respite providers so that I could have some alone time and get that spiritual break from the chaos in my house.  Both ways have worked out fine. 
It's just finding what works for you and voicing your frustrations or what can be changed to those in leadership positions at the church so that they can help make it a better experience for your family.
If you don't currently have a church to go to, I'm biased, but I love mine.  There are chapels throughout the world.  To locate one in your area, visit this website: http://lds.org/maps/index.jsf?lang=eng#x=find&m=google&lat=0&lng=0&z=2&t=3  It will give you the address/directions of your closest meetinghouse as well as the phone number of the Bishop of that ward.  I would call the Bishop before attending and let him know your situation so that the ward can accomodate any special needs your family may have.

Respite Care

Today as an autism mom, I'm thankful for the respite providers that come over and give me breaks once in a while.  I don't know how I survived before I figured out how to get the benefit of respite care.  It is so nice to get a nap in and not worry about what my kids are getting into, go to the store ALL BY MYSELF, have some help when they have doctor's appointments or when we want to go out as a family or get a date night with my honey.  They really are lifesavers for me, as far as my mental health is concerned. Right now I get respite care through our insurance, but I know that many states give respite care to parents of children with autism through their Medicaid programs.

Sensory-Friendly Films

As an autism mom, I'm thankful for AMC' Sensory Friendly Films, shown at different AMC theaters throughout the country on the first Saturday of every month.  It is great to go the movies and have a nice environment that isn't overwhelming for my kids.  It's nice that the other moms just smile or laugh when they see my kids acting up or when my son grabs a handful of their popcorn because their kids are doing the same thing.  :)  
To find information on Sensory Friendly Films in your area visit:  http://www.amctheatres.com/SFF/

At-Home Thanksgiving

As an autism mom, I'm thankful that I've gotten used to the idea of an at-home Thanksgiving.  It's much less stressful to make my own meal and let my kids eat and wander and use their fingers instead of forks.  It's nice not to be anxious about whether they will get overwhelmed or do something crazy at someone else's house.  I get sad not to be with my family, but actually it's pretty pleasant to have a day at home with the people who I'm most thankful for.

Caiti's Friends :)

As an autism mom, I'm thankful for the cute way Caiti plays with her toys. They are her best friends and make her such a happy girl.  I love walking into a room to see her toys left in different scenarios (http://www.findingcaitisfriends.blogspot.com/)